South Park Gets A Little Gayer

Stuff Happens

Gregory finished drawing on the chalkboard, where a layout of the gay camp and lots of lines were drawn. He got this done in ten minutes with only the help of a spazzy douche and a british idiot. Impressive, even I have to admit. And I hate all of these damn kids.

"So, does everyone understand the plan?" Gregory asked, looking at the children expectantly.

Everyone stared back at him. The only response was Bebe, on her phone, talking loudly. "Yeah, and this kid thinks he's hot shit or whatever, because he just made a plan on a chalkboard. A chalkboard! Can you believe it?"

Gregory sighed. These kids were really stupid, but they were all he had. "Very well. I will need a brave child to go directly to the homosexual's cabin and unlock the padlock door I assume they have."

"Me! JESUS! I'll do it!" Tweek raised his shaky arm, twitching more than ever before.

"Uh, right. Anyone more competant? No?" Gregory waited, but there were no other takers. "Very well. Tweek, this will be dangerous, you know."

"AH! I mean, I know! But...I'll be able to save Craig! And he'll know I'm not just some wimp! And maybe- GAH- he'll like me more!" Tweek looked down bashfully.

There was a moment of silence. Perhaps...the children were awed by Tweek's brave nature, or maybe his eagerness to please the love of his life.

"HA! That's fucking gay, dude," Cartman laughed, punching Tweek's shoulder.

"Haha, yeah! Uh, homo!" Butters added, smacking Tweek's head lightly.

I stand corrected.

"Alright, people. Move out. Let me go over the plan one more time. With all of our bikes, it will take thirty minutes, possibly twenty five if we rush. By that time it will be about nine-forty. We have only twenty minutes to break them out before it is our bedtime. Stan and Kyle will be on watch on the north side, Wendy and Bebe on the east, Kenny and Butters on the west, and Pip and Damien on the south. Me and Christophe will go down under, then shut off the water supply so they cannot use their hoses. Timmy, Jimmy, you two will sneak in and pretend to have a problem with one of your...issues. Pete and Michael will then creep into one of the guard towers and light in on fire. Henrietta and Firkle will do the same.

"Powder and Red will then go into the office and call the PTA so they will come over and tend to the riot that Annie and Heidi will cause. Nichole and Lola, you two will have the job to make out with Token and Clyde so that the PTA will get even more angry with the sexual content. Bill and Fosse, you two will make homosexual remarks so that the guards will suspect you're gay and argue over whether to enroll you or not as they're fighting. Dogpoo, your smell will cause the cannibal flies they hired to swarm over your head, and Francis will help you so you won't get eaten. Terrence, Douchebag, you two will make sure everything goes according to plan so nothing goes wrong. Now then, Tweek will break the homosexuals out, go to the designated point over at Stan and Kyle's section, and Eric will watch outside the cabin for any guards, and make a dying giraffe noise to Tweek if anything goes wrong. If it does, Tweek, you will be on your own. Is that understood?"

Each of the children slowly nod, kind of getting the plan. Not really, but this was the best they could do for fourth graders. Plus a kindergartner.

"Alright, people. Let's make history. Viva la Resistance!"

xxx

Craig Tucker, meanwhile, was busy praying on the bottom bunk of his cabin bed. He was praying to God, even though he doubted Him all his life. I mean, Jesus did live in their town, but still.

"Uh. Dear God," he began, "I'm Craig Tucker. I'm at this stupid camp because my dad thinks I'm a homo. I guess I am. I'm gonna die in like...thirty minutes. So, when I do die, I need some favors from you. First, don't ever let Red Racer get cancelled. Second, make sure Stripe gets better, he had a cold before I left. Lastly, make sure Tweek has a better life. Like, with money and all of that. Because I love him. And if he was sad, that would suck ass. Thanks God. See you soon."