Exhale

Chapter 9 - And Again, I Beg the Question

Around me, the air became stagnant, unbreathable, and began to tickle my exposed skin. My throat tensed, restricting my air. An unmistakable feeling spread throughout my body, starting from my next and then spreading to every tip of my body—from my toes to my fingertips and to the thinnest strands of black on my head. As if something was pressing down on me, I felt my body get compressed by the stress of gravity, pushing me harder onto the dampening linen sheets on my bed. Slowly, my short breaths stiffened and my inhales and exhales were becoming more and more audible.

Unable to take it any longer, I pushed the book off my bed and watched it as it fell.

Thud.

There it goes. But not with everything in it.

It laid there, perfectly still, with its cover covering the ground like a tent, its pages partially parted. Its spine was pointed upwards and the creases on the back and front was facing me, as if it was looking up... at me.

I rolled in the other direction. I couldn't let it take me again. Trying to pass the time, I looked at the cracks in my wall and more or less marveling at the weak infrastructure. The dusty-white paint had scrapes adorning it, and some strips were extended towards me as if reaching for me. It was the same shade as the pages of—

Wait.

Once more, I turned. This time, I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling, at the faint beam of sunlight that had managed to defeat my silk curtains. It lightened my grey ceiling, turning it into some shade of off-white. Reflecting some of the curtains' design, it displayed lines upon lines that intersected and crossed at interesting points. They formed vague shapes that seemed familiar, such as circles, triangles, squares—typical ones, one might say.

Raising my hand, I began to trace the boldest line, the one that was the most vivid and thickest. I followed its straight line to a curvy one and from that curvy one, I went to a wavy one. It zig-zagged all around, traveling in every which way—unlike the curtain it was based on. Eventually, however, the line ended, only for it to go back to the place it started.

I sighed and collapsed my arm and let it bounce before it rested on my drying sheets. "How pointless," I murmured. Seeing that I would never find any satisfaction visually, I closed my eyes. What is the use of following and seeing something that leads to nowhere? I rolled my head back and let it gently hit the wall.

Maybe all of this is simply a sign?

A soft knock disturbed me from my thoughts. I turned in its direction to see Fawn. Wearing her typical patterned pink apron, she stood there, leaning against the doorframe, with her typical flushed appearance.

With a quiet voice, she said, "Dinner is ready."

"Oh," I said, sitting up, "is that so?"

She walked into the room, eyeing the ground to be careful to step over any discarded books, until she was within arms reach of me. Gleaming, she asked, "Yup! So, what are you doing, Allie?" She stepped forward in an attempt to hug me. However, her foot hit something hard and she stopped in her tracks to look down. I followed her eyes and let my eyes rest on the book once more.

That's right, that's still there...isn't it?

She made a cute little chirp and reached down. In a whiny tone, she asked, "Allie, why are there books everywhere? You're going to trip over one of them one of these one days!" Straightening her back, with an amused face, she brushed off the faint remnants of dust on it. Once she was done, she smiled and cheerfully (and innocently) closed it and placed it back on the nightstand next to me. Oh, joy.

"One of these days," I murmured, "and it appears as though today is not the day."

Her lips curled inside and her cheeks puffed out. Her short eyebrows formed little darts on her face which only empathized the narrowing of her face. Huffing, she exclaimed, "That's not funny!" However, her face soon relaxed, reverting back to its original soft an chubby state. With a grin and not before pouncing on the bed, she said, "Anyway, let's go down for dinner! I made your favorite, you know."