Stuck with me

dix-huit - oh, i love him

Yet another day spent wishing I could be at Gilman, dancing the day away. Yet another day spent wanting my body to be as close to Billie as possible. But he hadn't called, and needless to say, I was more than worried.
Why don't you call him, Valerie? You might ask.
Answer is simple; I already did. Twice.
So here I am, pacing around in my room, twirling my hair between my finger and thumb and waiting for something I'm worried may never come until I'm at the point of tears. 
Please, be okay. God, that's all I ask. I love you.
The thought startles me, but it's true. It's more than true. Two and a half months in and without a doubt, I love him.
As if on cue, I hear a noise from out my window and turn to see a beaten and bloodied Billie climbing up the drainpipe. I didn't hesitate to pull him in.
"Oh my god," I said. "Did your stepdad do this to you? Again? Billie, you have to–"
"I can't tell anyone," he said, slumping against my wall.
"You have to! This is the second time in a few months and he can't keep getting away with it. Look at you.. my god."  
He was looking at me defeatedly and saw the tears slipping down my cheeks. "Val.. c'mere, angel.."
And so I went over to him and placed myself on his lap so that I was facing him and put my head in the crook of his neck, holding him tight as I could without hurting him.
"I'm okay," Billie said. "It's not like he almost killed me or–"
"Don't even say that," I said. "Please.."
Those words opened up a seemingly world full of possibilities and what ifs. What if this kept happening. What if it got out of hand. What if he got hospitalized. What if he got worse.
"Okay," he said. "I'm sorry."
"He can't keep doing this. It's not okay– why is he–"
He shushed me by placing his lips on mine roughly. Normally, if I were upset, I would've pulled away and continued on making my point, but he was here and he was okay and this is what I needed.
I felt his hands clasp something around my neck, and confusedly, I pulled away, looking down at the chain that lay rested against my collarbones.
"What?" I said, picking up the charm in my hands and trying to read the words scribed into it.
"It's just a present. Don't worry about it, I just got it because I wanted to. I don't know."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "If this is your way of changing the subject it isn't going t–"
"Forget about my stepdad, okay? I'll do something about it, I swear, but now I just need a place to stay. Just tonight."
"You know you can always stay here," I said.
He nodded. There wasn't really much to talk about except for the coming album and songs, but something kind of slipped out of me.
"I feel really lost," I said. He seemed confused.
"How?"
"I don't know. The only time I feel like anything is with you," I said truthfully. "I don't have a job. I can't find a job. And so I get high off my ass and steal money that people need... its so selfish. I'm a selfish fucking person."
I think Billie was in shock. What I said wasn't wrong; it was horribly selfish. He knew it too.
"You'll figure it out," he said. "I know you will. You have to."
It wasn't until then I knew he believed in me just as much as I believed in him, but he was wrong to. And more importantly, I loved him. There was nothing else to it but that.

This chapter is kinda all over the place but it'll all add up at the end.