Tonight Is All There Is (The Maine).

There's no hope for today.

    I had walked along the railway until the sun started to rise. I couldn't remember a time when living with myself had felt harder than this night and I'd admit that relief filled my whole body when I realised that it would soon enough be ended.

    I stopped walking and looked at the orange sky, thinking that my existence couldn't possibly have a better way to end when I finally heard the sound of a train arriving. The vibration of the rails underneath my feet made everything around me slow down, just like it was often the case in movies. I didn't see all my life flash before my eyes, though. I smirked at that thought because that was another proof of how human beings romanticized everything all the time. It was so stupid to do that.

    However, one thing turned out to be the way it was in fiction. Something I didn't think could really happen. As I felt my end coming, someone on the footbridge screamed my name. I lifted my head and realised that somebody I never thought would care was there, their face reddening as their eyes filled with panic. My brain barely had the time to take into account that this person would have such a hard time overcoming what was about to happen, and that they mattered more to me than I accepted to admit and therefore that I couldn't inflict that to them, before I felt my feet move sideways just as the train passed. The speed made me fall further from the rails, projecting me against the fence.

    Pain filled my body and mind as I realised what had happened. In a fraction of second, the hell I thought I would finally get away from restored, adding a few bad injuries to prove that I wasn't completely in control of my own life.

"John, open your eyes! Open your fucking eyes John! Don't you dare leave me like that! Open your eyes!" Kelsey shouted. Honestly, my head hurt too much to even think about opening my eyes and be blinded by the daylight. The next thing I heard were light sobs mixed with words I couldn't understand. I prayed she was calling emergency services because that wasn't the way I wanted to leave this world.

    A little while later, I felt something cold touch my neck and then my face. "Stay with me, John. I'm begging you : stay with me. They told me I had to give you something to focus on while they arrived, if I could find a pulse. I'm going to talk, and you are going to hate me for that but I don't care. Do you remember that night I found you in the woods? I had been searching for you all around town. I was feeling down and you always made me put things into perspective. There's also something about your voice... I wish I could hear it right now." Kelsey cursed and that was when I lost the ability to understand anything she was saying. At first, one of two words found a way into my brain and then I simply couldn't hear anything.

**

"Open the door, man! Come on!" Jared said for the hundredth time.

    It had been ten days since the incident, as all of my friends called it. And they hadn't left me alone more than one hour since Kelsey obviously told them that it was, in fact, no accident.

    I wasn't in the mood for any boring conversation while watching boring tv. Even more now that I couldn't drink anything with alcohol in it -at least when I had someone watching me - because of the medication I had to take. Antidepressants and painkillers. Well, I didn't take the antidepressants because I wasn't depressive. I was realist, and that was something very different which could not be cured by a molecule.

"John, it's either me that you're forced to see or your dad. Tell me honestly if you want me to call your parents and ask them to come over. And before you say anything, I don't like blackmailing you." I didn't exactly want my parents fussing around. Leaving my crutch by the door, I unlocked it with the hand that wasn't put in a cast. Once the noise was heard, I took my crutch, turned around and made my way back to the couch. It ended to try everything I could so that people would not see the scar on my face all that much. I hated it. Just like I hated the general state of weakness I was in.