"We shouldn't be doing this, Jack." I whisper as I shuffle backwards to the bed board. Jack climbs onto the bed, crawling over to me, his hands move up my thighs and onto my hips as he continues to rub them up and down in a slow pace.
"Shh, it's Ch...
They say to just move on. Be happy and forget it but they don't know how I feel. They say that it always happens and life let's you move on but it's easier for them to say. They say that it makes you stronger but I feel angrier every second he breaths. Breathe, Felix. Breathe. I need to open my eyes now. I need to see his beautiful loving face, his peach coloured lips and vibrant green hair again. I feel like I'm laying in heaven, dreaming while sitting on a very comfortable fluffy cloud. Everything looks how it should, my house, my bed, exactly how I left it but everything is white. It's safe. I don't want to open my eyes but I know I have to. Every step I take is soft, gentle like a baby's first footsteps when it learns to walk. Magical and cosy it may be I must wake up to the real world. The world of hate which is not safe and happy but at least I can revisit this place again - soon - very soon.
I open my eyes. The sounds of raining fills the air as it pours down onto the muddy grass beneath my polished black shoes. I look at his sweet peaceful face laying in the casket. The priest is speaking but everything is muffled for me. I'm just standing with his family, they are hugging eachother as they cry on eachother's shoulders while listening to the priest speak. My eyes are on Jack. I watch him sleeping soundly.
"May God be with him, Amen." The prist spoke in her soft voice. A man steps up by her reading off a small piece of paper.
"Death is a horrible tragedy and comes to all, time of death: 1st of January 20XX. Time of funeral: 9th January 20XX." He spoke in his deep sofisticated tone.
He starts to be lowered into the rectangular shaped grave, the lid covers his face. I try to lean over to see his face for one more second until it was covered up. He is lowered more and more onto the ground with small green and white flowers either sides of the white box for decor.
"Felix, will you do the honours?" The priest spoke, everyone turns to me. I take a deep breath in and nervously fixed my tie. The photo frame with his picture was in my hands.
The men put the dirt back into the grave, the gravestone his family had got for him was then planted at the head of it. A writhe was put around it with red beautiful roses and a few of his YouTube merch was aside. I step forwards kneeling by him, the frame is quite big so I rest at the front of the stone for it to stand.
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I step back and make sure it is in the middle before stepping back in my place.
"Thank you." The priest spoke and everyone bowed their heads. I didn't though. I just blanked out - gazing at his picture. He's smiling there and the last time I saw him smile like that was when it all started in December.
The rain pours more on to the ground, everyone has black umbrellas to keep themselves dry but I just stand alone as the rain falls on to my head and drops from my hair. I'm crying but it has mixed with the rain. My suit is drenched and my socks are wet through but I don't care about that, the one thing I cared about has gone from this world and I'm already starting to fall to pieces.
"May Sean (Jack) William McLoughlin rest in peace." The priest spoke.
