Book Critiques! [Closed For Catchup]

Scarlet

By: Jade-Louise96

Cover:

I love love love your cover. Whoever made it deserves my last bag of chocolate chip cookies and that says a lot. I love that it actually relates to your story. It's aesthetic and enough to make me want to read the blurb.

Blurb:

It would have been perfect if you had expantiated more on the second paragraph. 

Give us a glimpse as to why she's so important.
Are the Laignech Fáelad good or bad people?
Should we be worried?

Overall take:

As a random reader, I'd click on your book just to read the first chaper. If it's good I'd keep reading, if it's not then I won't. By the way, the only thing that would convince me to actually click on your book is the cover and the fact that it's a retold story.

First Chapter:

First things first, beautiful wrting!
It was almost perfect but for the fact that you didn't end on a cliff hanger. It would have favoured you best since your blurb didn't do much justice.
I only clicked on the next chapter because
1. I had to
2. Your writing is nice and I wanted to give the book a chance.

Characters:

Scarlet:

I like her. She's funny, sassy, blunt, reasonable and has self control.  I say she's reasonable because she ran with full speed when she thought she saw a wolf. Other people would have been like "hello? Who's there? I'm not afraid of you so come out." And boom! the wolf would come out and bye bye protagonist but Scarlet had the sense to run.

Ava:

She is definitely the type of girl I'd hang out with.  She's the bossy one in the relationship. She's outgoing, absolutely annoying( in a good way), outspoken and flirty. She's totally my favorite.

Aiden:

All I can say about him is that he's adorable and timid.

Golden eyed boy (Caine):

He is your typical wattpad boy : Cocky and friendly.

"Keep the change and while you're at it, you can write your number down for me."

Definitely a wattpad boy. Complete with the smirks and gorgeousness.

Gerry:

He is the ladies man who is a protective, caring and responsible older brother.
I don't know if I like him or not.

Overall take:

I just love how you portray your characters. You definitely know how to show us instead of telling us so please, keep up the good work.

Plot:
How you managed to make a retold story so original is beyond me. Maybe it's not even a retold story? The only thing that actually relates it to The Little Red Riding Hood story are the quotes in the beginning of every chapter.

I love your plot so far. I just wish I didn't have to stop reading when the story begun.

Grammar:

Note: Some of the errors pointed out are not grammatical errors, just mistakes that should be corrected.

Chapter 2:

¤ "As he rubbed his head against her leg for attention to fill in the empty space."

What empty space?

I suggest you delete that last part because it does nothing for your paragraph.

¤ "... working on some new project WHETHER (instead of 'rather') it BE (instead of 'is') fixing..."

¤ "...optimistic types WHOSE favorites saying.."

¤ "... his blonde hair, a curly mess WAS covered in..."

Instead of:

"...his blonde hair a curly mess, covered in..."

¤ "... the 1935 John Deere..."

I do not understand. What is the 1935 John Deere? What does it have to do with this paragraph? Please explain or word it better.

¤ "I swear if you hug me I would punch you in the face. I thought." Should be in another line.

¤ "...Both siblings stood..." should be attached to "I'm going for a run, you need anything?"

Like this:

both siblings stood... "I'm going for a run, you need anything?"

¤ "...she thought for a split second that she HAD seen (instead of 'has')

¤ "... when she saw the hall lights go off and Gerry RUN (instead of 'ran') through the bedroom door..."

¤ "...he took Scarlet's hands in his own..."  should be attached to "All it means Scarlet, is that..."

¤ "... But must he always treat me like a child?" She thought. Should be in the next line.

¤ You had a few omitted commas here and there. To fix this, read aloud and insert a comma were there's a pause.

¤ Please look up the difference between 'Am' and 'I'm'.

¤ A lot of sentences started without capital letters.
Note: If your sentence starts with ", make sure the word after it starts with a capital letter. 
For example:

"Get out of my house."

Overall Take:

Your errors weren't enough to put me off. Just enough to let me know that you're not an experienced writer(at least that's what I got from the errors). Most of your errors would go away if you proof read your work so do that before you hit that orange publish button okay? It's best to preview it first. You spot more mistakes that way.

Overall Take on the book:

I liked it a lot. It has a lot of potential. If you develop your plot properly, put the right amount of suspense and twists (and betrayal even), it would be worthy of the hot list. By the way, I just love the Red Riding Hood quotes at the beginning of every chapter.

Your book got better as I kept reading. You could try to make the previous chapters as good as Chapters 4 and 5.

If I didn't have so little time to myself, I'd have read the whole book. I'm sure you noticed I couldn't help commenting.

Keep it up! Your book was a good read.

Heed my advice and you'd find your book on a book shelf one day.