Just a Mess

Pearl

(This is a direct metaphor to Steven Universe, if you don't watch it then none of this makes sense. I highly suggest it though it's fucking amazing.)

I didn't expect to personally relate so much to character in Steven Universe, in fact I really didn't have many expectations at all at the start. Then I learned about Pearl, one of hundreds, a common gem, nothing special. Loved by some, but disliked by others. Neurotic, obsessive, emotional, uptight, salty, she can come off as annoying to some. She's one of the original homeworld renegades who dedicated her life to her unrequited romantic love, Rose Quartz, in hopes of a life together after the war. They both had a mutually extremely close relationship, Rose kept most secrets from all but Pearl, and were borderline romantic. However, Rose found more fascination in a human named Greg who would eventually have their son and Rose would give up her life to bring him into the world. Of course, my Rose didn't die and I don't understand much of Greg or Pearl's grief in the loss sense, though I've seen much of myself in her character as more of her backstory unveiled. For years Pearl loyally fought alongside Rose, dying over and over to protect her. She always put Rose first, so being selfish every now and again is perfectly justified. Being jealous and bitter while watching Rose fall for Greg after the war was over, also perfectly justified. For thousands of years they were together, Rose was her entire world, of course she finds it difficult to move on. Everything she did, she did for her. She developed a dependence on her, as it's also in her nature. She is a pearl, born to be a servant, to be a pretty decoration piece for the higher ups in homeworld. But she trained herself to fight, she became highly knowledgable in sword fighting and technical equipment among other things. All the while due to the pearl stereotype, she dealt with insecurity and self doubt, and desired to feel stronger and feel the love she missed out on. Yes, she is a mess; she's not stable or composed as Garnet is, but still stays as strong as she can to protect Steven; she knows Rose would have wanted that. And even though Pearl couldn't get the ending she wanted and she watched things fall apart, she didn't blame Steven, she settled things with Greg, and she never took it out on Rose; she stood by her and all the decisions she made, and the decisions she couldn't make. She knew she couldn't control who Rose fell for, but rather watched it happen and supported her anyway. Just as Pearl, my Rose was never mine either, but I will be there for her always.

"She was courageous, and brilliant, and... beautiful."

"Look at them. They're a mess without her guidance. Directionless, pathetic, clinging things."

"Did Rose make you feel like you were nothing? She made me feel... like I was everything. I'm just a pearl. I'm useless on my own."