Flickers (Charles Xavier)

Chapter 17

Iris could feel herself drifting in and out of a peculiar dream-world. Her eyes were open, but the pictures around her kept changing.

First she could see herself, ten years younger and angrily storming away from one of her first jobs, only to be stopped by two young men... Erik and Charles.

And then her other self was suddenly sitting in a coffee shop, while Erik and Charles told her about her mutation. The image changed again, and Iris saw herself standing outside a large mansion with a group of other young mutants that she vaguely recognised. The images began to change faster and faster, but she was taking all of them in, watching these strange memories with very little recognition.

She saw fields of green and trees with golden leaves, Charles' face opposite hers as he unlocked her memories, and then as she showed him her mutation. She saw kisses and interlinked hands, but tears and arguments as well. She saw an attack on a man called Shaw, and she saw Charles dropping to the floor as a bullet hit him.

The last memory was the clearest, and Iris watched with tear-filled eyes the scenario before her. The younger version of her was standing outside the mansion, leaning over Charles' wheelchair and begging him not to remove her memories. She could remember all of the emotions that she had felt as she had screamed Charles' name and begged him not to do it. The memory suddenly disappeared, allowing Iris' eyes to focus on the actual environment that she was in.

She was sitting on a plane, and Charles was opposite her, his eyes wide with worry.

"Iris, are you alright?" He asked softly.

Somehow, the softness of his voice combined with her newfound memories caused anger to stir inside of her.

"Charles," She whispered, the name sounding different on her tongue now that she knew him properly, "You..."

She leant forwards and slapped him around the face, "That's for wiping my memories," She spat at him before standing up and storming to the back of the plane. She ignored the strangled cry that came from his direction and slammed into an empty compartment at the back. The moment that she was alone, the emotions hit her all at once and she began to cry.

She remembered it all. She was Iris Miracle, and she was a mutant. A mutant with the power to show others their worst and best memories, or even transport them back there entirely. She was powerful, she was dangerous. She'd been the reason for her parents' deaths.

She had slowly been falling for Charles Xavier before he had wiped her memory.

The door behind her opened, and Logan shut it as gently as he could before sitting opposite her.

"So now you know." He muttered.

"Even you knew?" Iris demanded, "God! I'm such an idiot! I should have known that something was going on-"

Logan shook his head, "Listen here, Miracle. You're clearly not an idiot. You're powerful enough to unlock your own memories. I wanted that to happen. Because in the future, you carry on with your protesting shit against Trask and you are the first mutant to be killed by a Sentinel. Now you won't because you'll know not to get close to one of those machines. I saw the way Charles looked at you, and I knew that it might just do him a favour to keep you alive."

Iris stared at him, wiping her tears away quickly, "I thought Charles hated me."

Logan snorted, "Unlikely. He just didn't want to risk getting close to you again. But he clearly cares about you. Shit, Miracle, you must be pretty blind if you haven't seen it. And I'm guessing you cared about him too."

"I do- I did..." Iris shook her head, "But how can I forgive him after what he did?"

"I don't know much, but what I do know is that he wiped your memory to keep you safe from Erik and from yourself. And what I also know is that since then, Charles has become a lonely alcoholic. Put the facts together."

They sat in silence for a moment, and Iris shook her head, "My parents died because of me. And I forgot about that twice. I don't understand how he could do that to me, when he knew how much it hurt the first time."

Logan sighed roughly, "Iris... He believed it was the right thing to do, even if it wasn't. But we... we need you on this mission, Iris. Your help has been invaluable to us. We can't have our group splitting up now, otherwise we won't save the future." He paused, "I'll be in the cockpit with Hank if you need me. See you when we land."

Iris stared after him in silence, before closing her eyes and burying her face in her hands.

*

"Charles." The way that Iris said his name seemed to have a new-found softness that surprised him. Charles sat up, moving his hand away from his still-stinging cheek.

"Iris," He muttered, considering whether or not to make eye contact.

"I could have looked after myself, even if I am dangerous. I begged you not to what you did, and now you're paying the consequences." She glared at him.

"I never knew that you'd come back into my life. I thought that we'd be separated for good." He gulped.

"In an alternate past, where Logan didn't turn up," Iris muttered, "I just drove away from your mansion and carried on with my research. And I'm sure he told you what happened to me once the sentinels were created."

"It was the biggest mistake of my life," Charles blurted, "I have never forgiven myself. Never. So many times... I wished I'd never done it."

Iris' eyes seemed to soften, and she watched him in silence for a moment.

"I feel lost... I created a new life after you wiped my memories... a new identity. Now I have two versions of myself- Iris Miracle the mutant, and Iris Miracle the journalist. And me... me now? I don't know what I am anymore."

She leant forwards hesitantly, "The only thing that's a constant in all of these lost identities... is you."

Looking at her like this broke Charles' heart- he didn't know what to say. He reached forwards slowly, but she jerked backwards.

"Don't. Charles, I don't know whether or not to hate you. You took away a part of me that was very important to me. Can I ever forgive you for that?"

Charles sighed, "I... I don't expect you to, Iris. But I want you to. I hope you do."

She gulped, glancing up at him, "I'm not just going to come running back into your arms Charles. You are no different from Shaw-"

She cut off as a burst of images seemed to appear around them. She cried out, clutching onto her head and squeezing her eyes shut. Charles squeezed her shoulder, watching the images around them flicker and transform. He could only just make them out, but he could tell that they were memories from just after they'd first met. Iris whimpered, and they slowly faded away, leaving them in the dark plane.

"Tell me Charles, what's your worst memory?"

Charles gulped, "Take a look."

Charles was holding onto Iris' hand, kissing her lips softly and leaning his forehead against hers.

"I wish that we could be together. I truly do. But your safety is more important to me." He whispered softly, touching her temples as she screamed his name one final time before she fell to the floor, her eyes falling shut.

Charles watched her for a single moment before he buried his head in his hands, feeling the tears begin to form. He shouted for Hank, and watched as his friend came running into the room, staring at Iris in shock.

"I didn't want to do it," Charles shuddered, "But she needs to stay safe. I love her."

Iris fell back into the present, her eyes filling with tears. She stood up, her hands shaking uncontrollably, and walked away to a different compartment of the plane, closing the door behind her. Charles buried his face in his hands, realising what a horrid mistake he had made. He had ruined everything. All for love. He spotted a bottle of whisky and a glass nearby and reached out for it. Without thinking, he emptied the bottle out into the glass and began to down it, desperate for this pain to be over.