A Silent Brother No More

Title: Epilogue from Jem's POV
Author: Kristine Jones
Source: Clockwork Princess
Rating:
Pairing: Cassandra Clare
Disclaimer: I do not know Cassandra Clare, the author of the original work this piece of fiction is based on. I do not mean to cause harm, confusion or other misrepresentations in regards to the above mentioned original work. This piece of fiction is my interpretation of a series of events from an alternate perspective, and is in no way meant to represent the author's intention regarding said work.

Jem had made this journey, literally, hundreds of times before; granted, the scenery had changed quite dramatically since that first time. A lifetime ago, he thought to himself casually. Despite the comfort he felt walking this familiar path; he had never felt this unsure of himself, this hesitant. Well, that wasn't true, now was it?

His mind had been drifting aimlessly all day, and the night before, completely without his bidding to all the years preceding today's walk to Blackfriar's Bridge. He had managed to keep the promise made over 130 years ago to meet Tessa at his favorite place in all of London, on one day, every year if only for an hour. His mind travelled back to that day in the Institute, and he couldn't help but smile, despite the pain the memory still caused him.

He had been called back to the Institute that day by Charlotte Branwell, the small but thoroughly capable leader of the London Enclave after his transition to a Silent Brother had begun. Such requests were usually denied by the Brotherhood. All Brothers were meant to sever all ties with former acquaintance after receiving the first runes marking them as something other than a Shadowhunter warrior. Something other than wholly human.

The Brotherhood granted an exception as Tessa's life seemed to be hanging in the balance, and Charlotte pleaded he was the only cure. He had been Brother Zachariah then, although the name was still unfamiliar to him at that time.

He drifted silently into Tessa's bedroom, as only the Silent Brothers could, after hesitating outside her doorway for what seemed like an eternity. There lying before him, silent and beautiful, was Tessa, his Tessa. It was if a turbulent ocean had replaced his mind, flooding him with emotions, uncontrolled.

The desire to reach out and sweep her into his arms and feel the warmth of her body, the steadiness of her pulse, the softness of her breath against his cheek almost undid him.

Just one more time, his mind spoke to him. But he could not. His new place in this world, in her world, forbad it.

He allowed himself to draw closer to her only to deliver the tisane that would bring her out of the almost comatose sleep she seemed to have been imprisoned in for days.

"Tessa," he spoke softly, but not entirely with steadiness. "This will keep you lucid for a time, but you must not let yourself fall back into the darkness and dreams."

She whispered his name then, almost unheard, "Jem?" The name, his name, sounded foreign to him, abstract.

"Yes," he had said, and then asked her to look at him. He almost could not bear to see her eyes, see the pain he was sure would be there.

When her eyes opened, those beautifully gray eyes, and fell to his own with a mixture of disbelief and joyous recognition his heart skipped a beat. That momentary flutter, that almost instantaneous jolt of electricity, reminded him why he almost had not come from the Silent City had made him hesitate outsider her door.

Would it always feel this way? Would it always cause him pain to see the gray of her eyes reflected in the sky with an approaching storm? The certainty that he felt at what his heart knew as the answer almost crushed him with his weight.

"How is it possible that you are here?" she whispered, and she sounded unsure of herself, as unsure as he felt in this moment. Her voice, though, rose to his ears like a beautiful song. Not unlike the song he had played for her in this very room just days ago, but, now another lifetime ago as well.