A Silent Brother No More

A Slient Brother No More, pt 6

Jem held Tessa in his arms, and stared at her sleeping face, pale in the night light coming through the open window in Tessa’s bedroom.  He was remembering the day’s events, and a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. 

He laughed silently remembering the nervous energy that had filled Tessa from the moment they walked through her front door, and the beauty of her laughter as they spoke of visiting his homeland.  He found he could not stop touching her, small brushes of his fingertips on her face, moving a stray strand of her brown hair from her forehead, and holding her hand.  He stole small kisses, often interrupting her while she was speaking simply because the sound of her voice, her laughter, and the brightness in her eyes brought him so much happiness he was unable to contain himself.

Kissing Tessa was like liquid fire surging through his veins.  What started as a slow meeting of their lips quickly turned into a passionate frenzy that left him gasping for air and wanting more.  He burned with desire for Tessa, but was afraid to push her too far.   

He remembered when she had told him to take liberties with her, make assumptions, to take her as a man takes a woman.  Her voice that night, full of desire and longing, had aroused him like nothing he had ever felt before.  His body had been weak then, fueled by a drug that was sure to kill him.

Now, Tessa’s soft gasps were his fuel. The planes of her body beneath his, the arch of her back as she rose up to meet him, made him feel strong.  He had lifted her easily, drawing her closer to him, filling any space between them.  He longed to be close to her, to feel her skin against his own.

He had asked her if she wanted him, or if she had wanted to stop when he felt he was approaching a precipice that once passed would be almost impossible to return from.  He held himself above her, looking into her beautiful gray eyes, taking in the flush in her cheeks, the soft curl of her brown hair on the pillow, the and the quick breaths she was taking.  He slowly rolled into one elbow, and brushed his fingertips across Tessa’s cheek and down her throat stopping to rest his hand above her heart, reveling in the quickness of the beating he felt there.

Tessa held his face with both of her hands, and brought him in for a single, deep kiss.  As she held him close, she whispered to him, “I have wanted you since that night so long ago when I asked you to take you liberties with me.  Lord help me, I have wanted you for so long.” At that she kissed him fiercely, and they fell into each other and the world shattered around them.  There was nothing else in that moment besides him and this woman he had loved with his very soul for more than a century.

Returning to the present, Jem again was lost in the serenity in Tessa’s sleeping face.  He had truly led an extraordinary life, mainly as a result of circumstances out of his control.  He had felt the sting of loss, the love of a friendship turned to brotherhood, the lightness of new love, and the pain that came when it was all taken from him.  He had watched decades pass, watched generations of Shadowhunters be born, fight, love, and die. This woman sleeping in his arms had remained his constant tether to the world, and had maintained his faith in hope, in miracles, but he had never imagined he would have this opportunity.

Slowly, Jem leaned in to place a kiss on Tessa’s brow, and whispered, “I love you, my beautiful Tessa. With every beat of my heart, with every breath that fills my lungs. You have brought me to life. I love you.” He kissed her once more, and wrapped her in his arms tightly.

He felt Tessa move beneath him, and she sighed softly. “I love you too, Jem, my Jem.  My beautiful love.” She slowly raised her hand to his face, and held him in her gaze, and smiled sleepily.  He leaned in to kiss her lips, and felt her smile against his kiss.

“You should be sleeping,” she spoke softly, her voice still heavy with sleep.

“I am filled with too many thoughts to sleep.  So much has changed, and I am still unsure what it all means.” He rolled to his side so he could look at her while he spoke, and held her hand against his chest. “Today was so much more than I had ever dreamt of having in all the years I have been on this earth.”

Lightly, he stroked her cheek and tucked her hair behind her ear and inhaled deeply, breathing in her scent, violets and soap. “Tessa, I love you more than I could ever tell you. Being here with you, like this, with nothing but hope and opportunity for our future together.  I’m overwhelmed with happiness.”

Tessa smiled, and closed her eyes peacefully and kissed him softly, slowly, prolonging their embrace.  She pulled away from him and stared silently into his eyes.  He felt as if she could see within his very soul, so he brought to mind every moment he had looked into her eyes, every stolen touch, quick glances in her direction and the smile that brightened her entire face.  He hoped she could see how she had been both his forbidden hope and his most guarded desire for so many years, that she had spurned in him a desire to live so fierce he had chosen a life of silence to keep her close to him in whatever way possible.

“I love you, and always have, Jem. I have walked this earth alone for a very long time, and for the first time in what feels like an eternity, I feel my heart is again complete.” He sensed a hidden sadness as she spoke the words and his mind turned to his parabatai.  He knew she had experienced great loss, he had shared in that loss, and he swore to himself he would do everything in his power to honor his brother’s memory and he would savagely protect the woman they had both loved.

“Sleep, my love,” he whispered softly and stroked her cheek. Hearing her sigh softly, and her breathing slow, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead. As he closed his eyes, he spoke a silent prayer and offered thanks for a day full of revelation, love, and hope. That night he fell asleep satisfied and at peace for the first time in over one-hundred years.