the girl who played with knives || clato ✔️

9

Clove

I can't function properly. I don't know what to think or what to do. Am I in love with Cato? Is he in love with me? How long has this been going on? Forever? Should I fight it? Or should I run with it? This would be a great time to have some knives to throw. The steady rhythm of the knife hitting the tree lulls me into oblivion and clears my head. Cato once told me that when he messes with my hair he gets this feeling.

I sit on my bed beside Cato as the sun starts to rise. It's a beautiful sight really, like someone painted the sky with soft oranges, deep purples, and a multitude of blues and pinks in between. I want to say something. About the sunrise maybe. But Cato and I have just had a moment. We nearly kissed- again. And I really didn't mind it. I want to try Cato's idea to live life to the fullest before it ends. I tell myself this is stupid though; it will only make it worse.

After a while I realize Cato's staring at me and I blush. I blush. I don't think I have ever blushed before. That is not the type of girl I am. I am the type of girl who beats the Academy class in footraces. I am the girl from the broken family who's hardened herself, who rules fear and emotion. I am, quite frankly, the girl who played with knives. This is kind of a joking name Cato gave me when he caught me throwing knives a little while after we met. The memory flickers into my mind as I stare back at Cato.

"You're killing that poor tree," he'd said.

"Clove?" The present day Cato says.

"Since when do you care about trees?" I'd asked, hurling my knife at the tree so it stuck down to the hilt. I'd thrown at the tree so many times almost all the bark was gone and the wood was soft and pliable, which makes it easy to sink knives in its trunk.

"Yeah?" I pretend I have to itch my nose, but really I'm trying to cover up the blush, which seems to be deepening the longer I stare into Cato's eyes.

"Well, I use the tree outside my window as an escape from my parents... So I guess I feel like I have a bond with them... trees I mean," Cato says bashfully.

"Which idea are we trying?" He asks. He is much calmer than earlier.

"Okay, tree whisperer." I said, laughing and going to retrieve my knife from the tree.

"Yours..." I say slowly. "The last one."

"Whateve," He said. "Why do you throw knives?"

"The one where we're still...friends...?" He stalls on the last part, like he wasn't going to say simply "friends" at first.

"It helps me concentrate..." I said, ducking my eyes. I've never really told anyone this. Then again, I've never had anyone to tell. My eyes come back up. "It... Calms me."

"Oh, so brutally murdering this innocent tree-" He started sarcastically. I cut him off.

"No! Well, yes, I guess. But I'm being serious!" I tried to feign anger  but I was laughing and so was he.

I let out a little laugh and Cato gives me a "What?!" look. I try to tell him I'm sorry for laughing but I've suddenly got the giggles. The giggles?! I swear I didn't know I was capable of that. Cato is doing something to the integrity of my... "Not that kind of girl"ness. Or maybe it's the situation. I suppose with so little life left I'm more prone to live it authentically.

"I'm serious!" He yells. I can tell he's trying to be upset with me but he can't. He's laughing too, and neither of us really knows why. Maybe the pressure of the Games has already made us go insane. That sounds a lot easier than sanity at the moment.

"Tree-hater," he said as he laughed.

"Tree-hugger!" I retorted. I know our cheesy humor probably sounds really, well, cheesy, but I was only 13, and Cato 14, so give us a break. He made a grab at me but I dodged it and started running towards the tree.

"Friend?" I say while I laugh. I don't know why this seems so funny. Maybe it's because of what we just almost did. Maybe it's like when we were laughing and joking on the morning of the reaping, where the alternate was to cry. I find myself marveling over the fact that that was just yesterday.

"Clove, you know I can't go that high!" Cato tried to climb after me, but I'm way up in the smallest branches. This is probably the one perk of being so small.

"I am one with the tree!" I yelled down at him in imitation. "It speaks to me and tells me which branches to step on," I kept talking in mock seriousness.

"Good friend. Close friend. Best friend." Cato looks flustered, which makes me laugh more. I don't know what is wrong with me. There's just his... release.

"Not that one!" I yelled down, just as Cato was stepping on a branch. He swore under his breath and yelled for me to stop distracting him. Finally I decided to give him a break and come down to where he was.

"I'm sorry," I say. I'm still laughing though, and I don't know how believable it actually was.

"Why are you laughing?" He asks, but he's laughing too so it isn't really fair.

I take deep breaths, then when I think I can talk again say, "I don't know. I guess it's just funny that you said friend because... Uhm."

"What?" Cato gives me a sly grin. "You mean because you know you love me." He winks at me for emphasis.

"Cato..." I shake my head at him. "What are we gonna do with ourselves?"

"Thanks," Cato said. We sat on a lower branch and stared down at the ground.

"You're welcome, tree-hugger."

"You're the girl who plays with knives!"

"I also named them, and I tell them bedtime stories and sing them songs." I was kidding of course... Sort of.

"You have some serious problems, Clove."

"I actually did name them," I say.

"What? Tree-killer?"

"No, but that'll be my next one," I chuckle. "I named them after shades of red."

"Like blood?"

"Scarlet and crimson. And no, red's my favorite color."

"Mine's blue. Like a darker blue."

"Like...the sky? Right before nighttime, just after the sun's set?"

"Yeah, I guess."

We've grown a little more serious now. Cato's looking at me, and I'm just watching the sunrise.

"Madeline Maggot should be waking us up soon," I say. "And knowing how she reacted last time she saw us in this close proximity you might want to leave."

"Okay," he says. He starts to get up, then leans towards me a little, but pulls back. "See ya," he mutters and makes his way out of the room. I don't think either of us is brave enough to actually try his life to the fullest plan.

"I should go soon. My mom needs me to do some stuff at the house but I wanted to stop by here first," Cato said. He and I climbed down the tree and I waved goodbye when he left. I got my knives and went inside to find my house in complete chaos.