the girl who played with knives || clato ✔️

29

Clove

I wake up in Cato's arms to the chirping of birds.

"Morning," Cato says and smiles.

"Hey," I whisper.

We get up slowly and eat some dried fruit we had on us when the Cornucopia blew up, then we decide to just kind of... wander.

Cato reaches for my hand, but I pull away. That kiss last night was... uncalled for.

"Clove," he tries to grab my hand.

"Cato... the cameras..." I whisper. Is that my only reason? I don't know anymore.

He pulls me in and says, "I don't give a f-" but the last word is cut off cause his lips are pressed to mine and it's like magic.

And I wish it could stay this way. But it can't, so I pull away.

"Clove, I love you so much," Cato says, still holding my hands. I let him.

But I can't say it. I can't say it back to him because I know whatever happens, there's no way we can survive. And whatever happens, I can't stop picturing Chase's limp body dropping from Caro's arms. Jonah's lifeless eyes.

"Clove," he whispers, his voice strained. "Please say something."

I take in a shuddery breath.

"We should try and hunt."

"Clove," I start to walk away. "Clove! Please!"

"Cato, I can't... do this. Let's hunt. Then we can make a shelter, and-" he doesn't have to cut me off. I do it myself. "Let's hunt." I repeat.

-

It's just after noon when the cannon goes off. We don't say anything, just keep walking. I wonder for a moment who it is but decide it doesn't matter. Cato's the only one left that I care about and he's right next to me. Close enough to touch...

But just a few minutes later, another cannon goes off, and Cato and I catch each other's eyes.

"Who-?"

"I don't know... let's just keep moving."

-

We take shelter in a tiny clearing surrounded by bushes, tightly packed. It's good camouflage and hard to get into. And it's barely big enough for Cato and I and our supplies. Therefore, Cato and I are pressed against each other. I'm all curled up and my body's stiff because... I don't know why exactly. Many reasons. Cato is completely calm though, wrapping an arm casually around me, twisting my ponytail in his fingers. I shudder a little. The tiny clearing, his hand in my hair, it all feels very intimate and it scares me.

We don't talk for a while, but eat some of the rabbit we caught today and then just sit in the hazy dusk light.

After a while of this uncomfortable silence, the anthem begins to play. Cato and I straiten and look up at the sky to see who those cannons belonged to.

The first person in the sky is Marvel. Well, good for him, I think. That's another problem out of our hands. But, oh, a pang of guilt.

The next is Rue, Jonah's little friend from 11. It's kind of a shame she's died. She seemed so sweet, and she was just a child. We all are, I guess. I look down glumly.

Cato and I lie down then, and he perches his chin in his hand and leans on his elbow and looks at me.

"What's wrong, baby?" Baby.

"It's nothing," I say and mimic his pose.

"It's obviously not," Cato says. He strokes my cheek and brushes a strand of hair out of my face. "Tell me."

I'm silent for a moment and my eyes fall from his eyes to his chin, to the ground in between us. Cato gently lifts my chin with his knuckles so I'm looking at him, then he puts his hand on my cheek and moves his thumb slowly back and forth over my jaw and lips. I reach up and grasp his hand. I kiss each of his knuckles, then the top of his hand. It feels so wrong, and I know I should be resisting, but I just can't help it. Because-

"I love you," I whisper into his hand.

"I love you, too." Cato says and pulls me closer.

He hugs me close to him and I breathe in his scent. Like freshly tilled dirt, and... something I can't quite place, but I like it. Is this how he always smells? Or has being in the arena changed it? I don't care. All I care about is Cato. Cato, Cato, Cato, "Cato," I whisper his name because that's all I can do. It's all I have in me. I try to forget everything else. "Cato..."

"Clove, I love you so much... I wish... I wish we could..."

"I know," I whisper. "I know."

Then I close the tiny space between us and kiss him. And it feels like all the other kisses. Before the Games jutted into our lives and wrecked everything. Before we were destined to die. Before Chase or Jonah or- I sigh.

I let myself fall into him, then I push into him, trying to close every little gap so that we mold into one. Just you and I... just you and I.

I feel hot tears running down my face, and they're not all mine. We're both crying because we know in our hearts that no matter what we do we're going to die. We're going to die and there's nothing we can do. We'll die just like they did, no matter how fierce and murderous we grow. We cannot survive this.

Damn it... the tears just pour. I keep kissing Cato, twisting my tongue around his and gripping his hair with my hand. I wish this would never end.

But it has to, doesn't it? Cause that's just how the world works. We try our hardest to survive. Kids go to the Games. We fall in love and have children. And then they go to the Games. It's an endless cycle of death and misery and strife. And there's no way out. There is no way of escaping Snow. Or so they say. But right now, right here with Cato, I feel like I'm finally free, if only for a few minutes. Holding him and touching him and just knowing he's here... it's like we're already dead and we're in heaven... and nothing can hurt us... and we're... I have to stop. Because now I'm crying so hard I can hardly think.

I pull away from Cato, and he immediately pulls me back into him and just holds me. I bury my face in his shirt and try to imagine some sort of solution for this impenetrable problem. But there is none.