Welcome To The Jungle

Beverly Hills That's Where I Wanna Be

The plane ride to L.A. was less than fun. You know the stereotypical scenes in movies where the character's being shoved by a kid sitting behind them, kept awake by a crying baby, and overall creeped out by the flight attendant who seemed overly happy 24/7? Well, movies don't lie because that's exactly what I had to endure for the seven hour hell ride.

I mean Jesus, I couldn't catch a fucking break. But I had to stay positive. This was my decision, my dream and I wasn't going to let a slutty flight attendant and an annoying kid ruin it for me, no matter how much I had to fight the urge not to punch their faces repeatedly.

When the flight was over, I couldn't help but rush out of there like a bat out of hell, and I swear you'd think I was one by the looks people gave me at the airport. Had they never witnessed a girl desperate to get out of a tiny plane filled with creeps? With that being said, I was on the hunt for my savior of the hour, "uncle" Jon.

He wasn't a blood relative, by any means, but he was definitely the closest thing I had to a supportive family and I hadn't seen him in years. What with his schedule managing some of my favourite bands and my parents' pursuit in convincing me an Ivy League education was the way to go, it had been much too long of a time that I hadn't had the pleasure of seeing him.

As I neared the meet-up point at LAX where dozens of people were holding obnoxiously bright signs and waving their families over to them, I happened to spot a familiar tuft of blonde that stood out among the crowd. I couldn't believe it, uncle Jonny hadn't changed one bit. Still rocking his favourite leather jacket from the nineties, frayed jeans, and badass cowboy boots, I couldn't help but run over and give him the biggest hug known to bears.

"Jonny!" I squealed, unable to contain my excitement as he twirled me around.

"Mar-bear!" he replied remembering my old nickname from years ago. "How the hell have you been!?"

"Missing you, of course, my little otter!"

"Same old Mara from, what is it, five years ago?! Damn, it's been too long!"

"You got that right, just hotter!" I joked.

"With that attitude, how am I gonna keep all those horny bastards away?"

"Eh, just tell 'em I'm a lesbian or something."

"I think that'll make them want you more, I mean we're talking about rebellious rockstars here after all..haha."

"El oh el, I'll just punch them in the face, problem solved!" I replied cheerily as we headed out the doors and towards the life of touring rockstars.

"It's not the guys I'm worried about as much, though" I added, a serious tone replacing my once playful demeanor, "I don't know if I can handle the sloring hoes, I mean if there are any." I secretly hoped there wouldn't be any and I'd just be in the zone, selling band tees, meeting awesome people, and listening to live performances each night. Too bad that was wishful thinking.

" I can guarantee they'll be plenty of them, you just need to keep it cool." Jon replied as if it was no big deal, little did he know my fiery temper had only grown since our last moments together and it tended to get me in trouble whenever certain bitchy slores attempted to belittle my friends and myself.

So now was the time I had come to the remarkable realization of what I had truly gotten myself into. A life filled with bimbos, drinking, partying, and flirty rockstars sounded cute on paper, but when reality sets in, it's like a bitch slap in the face.

FML.