Welcome To The Jungle

If I'm A Bad Person You Don't Like Me

Hearing about how huge this festival was going to be and actually seeing it for myself were two very different things. From what I heard, Psyched was possibly the holy grail of all festivals, and quite kickass. But, simply hearing about it did it no justice.

The huge, open field was like a homecoming in itself, but witnessing all the bands mulling around and techies setting up was like a dream. Breaking me out of my reverie Jonnie poked me, rather hard if I do say so myself.

"You monster! That hurted!" I replied, feigning actual pain as if I were a five year old-which, for all I knew was my actual age. However, by the time I had responded, Jon was already halfway across the field heading towards a tour bus leaving my belongings and myself standing lonely on a desolate parking spot. I mean I can't help it that I have the reflexes of a dying walrus. Sue me.

"Wait up! Bitch! Fuck!" I screamed as I caught a few rockers staring at me curiously. I'd watch too if I saw a random chick barely standing at 5'4 attempting to run through a field whilst holding a giant suitcase and spewing profanities at seemingly no one. Well, there goes my first impression.

When I finally caught up, I didn't hesitate to throw my gigantic suitcase right at Jon. Poor guy, didn't even see it coming.

"askfkgkjd..." he piped out just as he fell hard on his ass. Mission acomplished.

"That's what happens when you leave me stranded! I could've been kidnapped for all you know, you sucky babysitter! Ha, yeah, stay on the ground!" I responded, little did I know this little leprachaun was going to pull me down with him.

"Ha!" he barked triumphantly and I resorted to my last tactic, pouting.

"Awww, you're not cute hoe!" he chimed in as he chuckled away upon noticing my expression. Still, I remained in my current position, not letting him win this battle.

"C'mon, get your tiny ass up, we need to set up ASAP and later you can meet the boys." Well, at the suggestion of "the boys", whoever they were, presumably a favourite band of mine, my eyes lit up and with a final poke to Jon, I was ready for the merching to begin!

Little did I know that on our walk towards my literal destiny, Jonnie was going to ruin the fun by giving me a stern "talk". And let's get real here, this guy is about as strict as a newborn puppy, so there was nothing I could do to help from laughing.

"Mar, you better stop and listen or..or..I'll give you a time out!" he stated, trying to lace his words with some foreign form of austere seriousness, but failing miserably.

"Cool your ass, dude. I won't get in any fights with band whores and groupies...as long as they don't test me. I'm not making any promises here. I'm here to work and have fun, not bitch slap the shit out of some slags." I replied, with a glint of earnestness.

"That's the Mar-Bear I know so well! Good boy!" he replied with his ever-present, genuine smile.

"Call me a boy again or refer to me as a dog, and I'll slit your throat in your sleep." I stated as if it were a well-known fact. However, he knew me well enough to realize that I was not the type to hurt a fly...unless that fly fucked with me, that is.

"Yes ma'am! Anyways, here we are! What do you think?" he asked, curiosity brimming within his green eyes.

"It's I...I...gslfkjsdlfj...holy tits," was all I could make out upon catching a glance at the glorious sight before me. Apparently, I was to be merching for Black Veil Brides, and although they weren't my all-time favourite band, it was a great place to start.

"I'm guessing you love it? Well, I'll be managing...shit...at the bus over there, so don't hesitate to come by. And have fun!" he replied, pointing in the general direction of a huge black RV.

"You'll be managing shit?!" I replied snidely as he trekked towards the RV, my suitcase in tow.

"Oh, and one more thing, you're meeting your...co-worker tomorrow!" he yelled back and I could think of nothing better to do but hide in a hole and cast a spell on his decieving ass using a magical voodoo doll. Okay, so maybe that's a tad extreme, but he set me up. I was supposed to do this solo and couldn't bear the thought of dealing with someone I barely knew. Before I could do anything else, much less get a decent thought through my head, a loud, screeching noise neared my merch tent. Oh goody, the girls have arrived.

Nevertheless, I got in "the zone", and trust me, it's just as badass as it sounds. I felt my adrenaline pumping as chicks came barging everywhere, leaving little room to think straight or organize myself, but this was, after all, what I had signed up for. As I collected money and appeased the demands of my "customers", I felt a wave of cold splash over my face and drip down my shirt. No, I'm not speaking figuratively.

As I looked up, I met a deranged-looking fangirl, seemingly readying herself to stab me at any moment. What.The.Fuck. Before I could recover from the shock and say something, much less beat the shit out of her, she snidely threatened me.

"Stay away from my boys!"

"What the actual fuck are you talking about?" As I anticipated her next phrase and/or move, I suddenly became aware of the utter silence that enveloped a good portion of the entire field. However, I had no time to think on that, I was too busy grinding my teeth and resisting the insatiable urge I had to punch that bitchy glare off that plastic face of hers. I had to keep in mind my number one rule of fighting, no throwong the first punch. Just as my mantra was about to fly from my thoughts and be dissolved by rage, she spoke up.

"You know what I'm talking about, bitch!" she replied venomously, and before I could laugh in her face and possibly embarrass her, she managed a weak punch at my jaw.

Wrong move.