My fifteen year old self would be in the 10th grade. Or just have entered the 11th, somewhere in the middle, so secure from the entire world. She doesn't know about anything. She thinks the world is a beautiful place and that cake makes everything better. She likes believing that unicorns poop rainbows and that truth wins and is welcomed with open arms. Her attempts to fly have always been met with success and the roller-coaster kept tugging her upwards; it's going to be super difficult for her when she feels the drop.
She's going to be very confused. She won't know what she wants to do in life because she has never even explored that field. That confusion will stress her out because the only stress she knows of yet is force per unit area. She'll do well in her exams initially but think it's bad because it isn't excellent. Then she'll do awful struggling with feeling like a failure not having been able to excel.
She'll fall in love with a guy who'll be everything she had never dreamed of. She didn't want to fall in love yet.
He'll open up her mind, she'll start thinking. She'll start questioning everything. They will have many adventures together. A hug that was initially yucky will become otherwise.
She soon needs strength to make decisions. Her parents do not approve of a lot of things, and their approval means everything.
But a lot of good things happen as well, of course. She'll start university filled with so many more people. There will be so many new things to do, things to be a part of – new friends, new beginnings and new ends.
Her friends are not all that she thought they were. Not talking to people once closest to her is something she learns how to deal with.
I'm nineteen years old right now. Nineteen and a half to be precise, it's my half birthday today. There are so many things that have happened and while there are moments I wish I chose differently, there are no regrets. What's the difference, you ask? Regret is when you feel bad about your decision. I don't feel bad about any of it because my choices were the fucking best decisions I could have taken unless someone told me a bunch of things I never knew.
A bunch of things that I probably wouldn't have understood this well without my life having unfolded the way it did.
A bunch of things no grownup ever told me and the only person who ever tried, I didn't listen to much at all.
A bunch of things I'll mention nonetheless because maybe there are fifteen year olds who are reading this, waiting for someone to tell them that it's okay.
It doesn't matter how old you are, I just wish you know that:
1. You aren't too young, your opinion matters
2. Your career is more important than anything
3. Take care of your body and health, you'll thank yourself when you're grown up and healthy
4. Accept everyone for who they are, don't expect others to accept you
5. There will always be certain things you can't tell your parents, likewise, certain things you can't talk about to your friends. Know the distinctions and don't feel bad about them
6. Don't do drugs. Ever. It may sound cool, you may be tempted to know how it feels like, but it really isn't worth even a try
7. The guy you love isn't going to necessarily be there till the end. But love him with everything you have, and know what you want, because if you aren't honest to yourself about everything, you'll regret it
8. Nude is natural, not disgusting
9. It isn't a breakup if it is a good breakup
10. Keep yourself busy with stuff you enjoy doing but also figure out how to be alone and happy.
11. Run, but not from your problems. If something bothers you, look for solutions till you find one
12. Never stop reading good books, keep watching good movies. They're your only sources of multiple points of views
13. Take decisions that are difficult and don't bother justifying them to anyone
14. Sometimes, you just need to be with the feeling
15. Everything always works out
My nineteen year old self is in the 14th grade. Or will just enter the 15th, somewhere in the middle, not so secure from the entire world. She knows about a lot of things. She still thinks that the world is a beautiful place and that cake makes everything better. She still likes believing that unicorns poop rainbows and that truth wins and is welcomed with open arms. Her attempts to fly have not always been met with success and the roller-coaster has both, peaks and drops.
But she now knows all that she didn't then, and I think that changes everything.
