(Jungkook POV)
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I tried calling him numerous times.
The past two days, only the same automated voice responded, "the person you have dialed is not available, please leave a voice--"
Yet each time, at the same word, I'd hang up before the line would beep, indicating a voicemail recording in progress.
"please leave a voice--"
I hoped he hadn't lost his.
His stories remained the same, no new chapters updated to replace the current existing ones. My phone remained the same, no new rings or notifications to indicate a message.
I wanted to speak to him, wanted to tell him that my mouth chewed more food than it did before, wanted to let him know that I ate one more bite than I did the previous day, wanted to whisper to him that my head hadn't been in front of the toilet bowl in weeks now, puking my insides and acids out.
I wanted him to believe I was okay because I couldn't believe that I was.
I often wondered, as I saw him boarding the transit months ago each time, with each laughter and twinkle of his eyes and sighs, whether I truly admired him and not what I saw him to be. That if perhaps, if he was an alcoholic or something worse, I would admire his sighs and eyes and his outcries just the same.
Though I don't think I could ever admire his goodbyes.
His screams from two days ago still rang fresh, his questions to the world and its inhabitants in the open, begging to be answered.
I hadn't checked the cafeteria though, my body afraid of smelling the clusters of food in one large room. He hadn't taken the bus and neither did he show up at the spot he'd held me.
He'd held me.
I plucked a raincoat from my closet, slipping it on as I walked down the stairs. The dim afternoon shone in its own grey-scale, in its own spectrum of black and white and grey rainbows. Wet earth on the verge of freezing over elicited a perfume of burying, dark soil.
If only we could smell emotions just as much.
I sat on the edge of the porch, staring at the pinpricks of water pelt on the rocky driveway, sliding on and away from stones in milliseconds, single hellos and single goodbyes from the sky to its awaiting companion of a ground.
When the sky broke down and cried, its earth collected its tears, using it to water its own flowers and sorrows whilst also watching its beloved from beneath. Perhaps the sky cried because it saw the people that stomped upon its earth, perhaps the sky cried because it could never fly down and touch its earth, or perhaps, the sky cried because it knew its earth needed its tears.
Perhaps the day when the sky falls down is the day it kisses its earth and all will turn to dust.
So maybe we really do need each other's sadness, because even if we can't take it away, we need it to forget our own.
My palms pressed down against the concrete, wet cement layering my skin a thin sheen of cool. The sensation enveloped me as I caught the rain droplets on my tongue, a soft giggle escaping my mouth in return.
But if the sky kisses its earth, there'd be no rain.
My mouth closed, eyes staring up at the sky. Diamonds flitted down, running down my cheeks, and I licked the corner of my mouth to taste the sky's tears.
'we often forget that our sad ending could be a happy ending for someone else.'
My throat tickled and my eyebrows knitted together in confusion. A shiver rose up my spine and I wondered why my body wanted to cry at this thought.
A delirious laughter escaped me and I rose up, walking down the front steps of my house. I turned around slowly, feet stumbling against each other in loose rhythm as my arms swung around me.
What a funny feeling it was, laughter and tears mixed together and not at the perpetual motion of happiness.
I tried to stay light on my feet, hoping to not sadden the sky that someone was burying its earth with his own feet.
Because I couldn't let the sky fall.
I couldn't let the pieces of it crumble for I needed its tears.
I needed the its tears to think of him. I needed its tears so him and I could run through them together like we did before, running side by side, steps by step, gaze by gaze. I needed its tears for they happened when the sky lay a shade of lilac, the colour he makes me feel when he speaks.
I needed the rain for my happy ending.
Because even if my beginning wasn't happy and neither does my middle seem so, my ending can still be.
I spun around faster and faster, vision unable to focus on anything.
Round and round, quicker and quicker, rain continued to fall and fall.
And soon enough, my own eyes rained messy sheets of pinpricks yet my mouth escaped notes of hearty laughter and I wondered whether I was truly going insane now.
Turning round and round in something else's sadness in order to forget my own for a while, wondering; if I was the sky, who was my earth?
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