The Playgirl Is Resigning

CHAPTER 9: Date

It was very hectic for me in the past days. The lessons are giving me so much headaches. Stressful days and nights are almost everyday. I don't know if it's the same with other students in different courses or it's just maybe because I'm taking up law.

Kung sabagay, pareho lang din naman lahat ng mga courses, mahirap. There's no easy way in this world, y'know. If you wanna achieve something, you must've strive harder to get your hands on it. If you wanna climb the ladder of success, then you must've carry the weight of responsibilities, knowledge and lessons as you take every step. That makes the feeling of achieving something worthwhile because of the challenges and hardships you had in the process.

And in my case, I already know that I would also go through that phase, everyone do actually, so here I am still holding on. Barely surving though. Yun nga lang, ilang beses na ako nakapag-isip na mag shift nalang ng ibang course, pero sayang din naman. I'm already in my third year. I should've shifted years ago when the same thought came up. Now I kinda have some... regrets, of course. I used to have everything I want with no sweat. Nasanay akong lahat ng gusto ko ay nakukuha ko ng hindi pinaghihirapan. But those little regrets was just nothing compared to the real reasons why I'm not giving up. Though I have a lot of chances in the past to give up in the past.

Sometimes I can't help but to imagine, what if I followed my dream? What if I didn't turned down my brothers offer to study in France? They know how much I waited for it to come, yet I rejected it. I know they wanted to ask me about it until now, yet they didn't. And I'm very much thankful with that. That offer back then was very much tempting and I'm proud to myself for sticking with my new plans- my new goals and dreams. I remembered I even cried almost every night for that decision. I'm such a pathetic because of that. I am just hoping that everything will be worth it.

Eversince I was a kid, I already love drawing. Namana ko sa Mommy ko. She was actually an Architect before she became a businesswoman. My Uncle Lin, my twin cousins' father, owned an architectural firm. Mom used to work there, that's where she crossed paths with Dad and eventually got married to him. I love drawing but I had to stop when my Parents passed away, because it reminds me with Mom. When I grew up into teen, I got fascinated with the designer products. My brothers showered me with those whenever they got busy to accompany me. Nagustuhan ko din naman. I even do shopping outside the country. And that's when I decided went back to my old hobby and hold a pencil again. I drew dresses, gowns and such. I was really into fashions that I even got into modelling. Becoming a designer was always my dream. It's so close to me before that I could even feel it in the tip of my finger.

But I grew up more. My decisions changed. I wanted to be a designer but there's something more important to that. I disregarded my dream and tried to make a new one. I didn't know how it end up that way though. One day I just wanted take a share for the responsibilities that my brothers contributed for our family. I wanna be of support to them and be of help to them in their businesses.

Maybe I was just very much thankful to them. I was the youngest and the only girl, when we became an orphan, they showered me with everything including love, care, attention, support. They got proud even with my small achievements, comforted me when I needed it, spend time with me whenever they were free and making it up with me after they got busy. They did what a Parents should do their child that I almost couldn't feel like I lost both. Hindi ko kailan man naramdaman na nawalan ako ng magulang dahil sa kanila. Though unlike the Parents who will always be there for their child even when they get old, I am fully aware that my brothers will eventually left me and have their own family in the future.

I parked my car outside the coffee shop not far from our school.

We just had a group activity and we did it in our room. Though I feel just a little tired physically, my mind is very much exhausted. Kaya antok na antok ako ngayon. I wanted to throw myself in my comfortable bed, but I know I cannot do that since I still have a lot of activities to do and presentation to make.