Stripped

I Lived

It took all of my self control not to go back and ask her to stay with me. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t possibly ruin someone’s life for selfish reasons. She’s getting married, for Christ’s sake. Kissing her was a terrible mistake… but I couldn’t bring myself to regret it.

You’re a fucking asshole, RJ. How could you even do that?

I felt stupid for what I did but I spent the entire taxi ride back to my apartment just thinking of her and her delicious mouth. I could kiss that mouth forever... but she’s gone. She’s back with her friends, probably on the phone greeting her fiance good morning. It hit me that she probably just kissed me out of pity.

I'm a fucking idiot. Shouldn't I feel bad that she cheated on her fiance with me? But she didn't look the least bit worried or guilty for kissing me. My grave sin was that I made her cheat again by kissing her.

The soft thud of my head hitting the taxi's window made the driver look back at me.

"Sorry." I whispered. A few minutes later, I was opening my front door.

I came home empty handed to an empty apartment. It reminded me of why I had accepted the gig in the first place. I imagined my roommate wasted somewhere, passed out on a bed of cash. If I had just done the one thing I went there for, I would be at least a thousand dollars richer right now. I sat on the couch and thought about my night. There must be a reason why we met, because now I don’t know how I am ever going to forget her.

“She’s getting married, you stupid moron!” I yelled at the walls and hated myself more for even thinking about all the what could have beens.

I walked to my room and crashed on the bed. A few seconds later, I heard my phone beep. It was a calendar alert for my doctor’s appointment. I was supposed to cancel it because I was going to drive to California, but I forgot to call so I decided to just go and avail of my free check ups. I looked at the clock.

Shit.

I quickly jumped in the shower and got ready and made it just in time for my appointment. Saturday appointments are weird, but if you're getting free services, you don't get to choose the day and time at your own convenience. I usually dread thse appointments, but today, it's a welcome distraction.

The doctor did all the usual checks he’d been doing on me for the past two years since my surgery. He made a comment that my eyes looked strained but after I had explained that I had not slept yet, he only pursed his lips and told me to rest them as soon as I got home.

I had every intention of following the doctor’s orders, but when I got home, I was back to thinking about Maine’s eyes and the kisses we shared. I thought about how everything in my life changed five years ago, when I lost my parents, when I almost died, when I almost took my own life, and when I was saved again. I couldn’t help but feel like everything that had happened in my life were meant to lead me here.

But for what? She’s gone. And getting married, you ass!

Maybe I should go back to their hotel. Maybe we should at least talk about the kiss. Maybe it had meant something to her too. I was about to get up and go when my phone rang. When I saw who it was, I immediately answered it.

“Dude.”

I felt guilty because I had totally forgotten to let him know that I’d be delayed.

“Where the hell are you, man? If you don’t get here by Wednesday, I will disown you, you shithead.”

The best thing about having a childhood best friend is that, even if the last time we saw each other was years ago after my accident, we still talked like no time had passed at all. It gave me comfort that even if we’re States apart and seldom called each other, our friendship remained the same as when we were kids.

“Calm down, Mr. Come Over Here Now. I just got delayed a day. I’ll drive down first thing tomorrow morning. I should get there in the afternoon and I’ll expect my room and In-N-Out waiting for me when I get there!”

“Hah! It’s been ready, Mr. Faulkerson. Mom was expecting you today, now you’ll have to explain yourself to her tomorrow!”

“Hahaha sure thing. You know your mom loves me more than you!”

“Whatever man, just get your ass over here! I need you here, man.”

“Yes, I’m coming. Don’t be such a baby. I’ll be there, alright?”

“Yeah whatever man. Hey, you alright, dude? Are you sure you don’t want me to just fly you here? That way you won’t have to drive.”

“I’m good, man. Thanks.”

“How was your appointment today? Was it today or yesterday?”

“I was just there. He said everything looked fine, just that they’re strained because I haven’t slept.”

“You idiot! How many times have we told you that you need to rest your eyes regularly!”

“I know, I know. There’s just so much that happened. I’ll tell you all about it when I get there, alright? I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, man. Call me before you leave or text me. Don’t wait for mom to call you. Hahaha”

“Yeah yeah, will do. I’ll go crash now.”

“Okay, nighty nighty, RJ baby. Hahahahah”

“You are disgusting, man. I love you.”

“Hahahah I love you too, man. See you tomorrow. Anytime you change your mind, just call me, okay? The offer still stands. I have tons of miles.”

“Okay, man. Thank you.”

“Alright, bye!”

“Bye.”

I might have passed out after plugging my phone charger. When I opened my eyes again, it was two in the morning. I got up and checked to see if my roommate got home. No signs of him so I just left him a note on the fridge. I packed a bag for the week, showered, and then I was off.

I parked my second hand Accord at the first available slot I saw in the Cosmopolitan Hotel parking structure. To say that I was nervous was an understatement.

Who goes to someone’s hotel room at five in the morning on a Sunday?

Me, no less. I had to see her and just ask one question before I leave. I took the elevators and went straight to her suite, but lost the nerve to knock, so I went back to the elevators. When the doors opened, I decided that it was now or never, so I went back to her door. I paced back and forth, practiced my speech, and even slapped myself twice before I finally knocked.

It took five knocks before the door opened and I was expecting one of her friends to open the door.

My face fell when a half naked, bearded, but bald man opened the door. I couldn’t think of what to say.

“Room service!” I blurted. The man just stared at me, said a simple “no” and closed the door.

I went back to my car and briefly nursed my disappointment. They must have checked out yesterday. It was then that I started to accept the fact that Maine will just be a memory and it will be nothing short of a miracle to see her again.

My phone beeped right before I backed out of the parking spot. It was a text from my best friend asking where I was.

I simply replied, "Just leaving The Strip. See you in a few," and drove away with a heavy heart.