Oblivion (Completed)

Henley, cont.

Present Day

"Can I tell you something?" Harlow asks quietly. Her eyes are big when they reach mine, so I know I'm in for something good. I nod and she sets her coffee mug down on the kitchen table and chews her lip. She's nervous. Now so am I.

"I'm pregnant," she says seriously.

"Are you serious?" My jaw falls open because this is coming out of nowhere. We've spent some time together shopping for Ryan's gifts and having coffee, but we've never gotten into anything too personal. I'm not sure if she's happy or pissed.

"I took two tests yesterday. Now I can't stand to think of New Year's Eve," she sighs. It's been three weeks since the turn of the New Year and from the sounds of it, she'd had no idea back then. I smile as she continues, "We've been trying for a few years. I went back on the pill and we stopped because it was incredibly frustrating. And just like that, I'm in the 1%. Pregnant on the pill. But I couldn't be happier," she stares into the blackness of her steaming hot coffee. "Or more terrified. But it's what we've wanted for years, and it's going to be good."

"That's amazing," I smile. "Great how stuff just works out the way it's supposed to."

"I'm due in late August, so we've got a long way to go. And I haven't told Mom or my brothers yet, but I can't hold it in anymore. I was trying to wait until the guys got back from the lake, but I'm terrible with news. So congrats. You're going to be an aunt."

Shit. She's right. I've never been anyone's anything before, but the idea is pretty cool. From what I know, she'll make an awesome mother, and I'm excited to welcome a little one into this family. I could so handle spoiling an itty bitty look-alike of my Ryan, but I'm not ready to have one myself.

"Once everyone knows it's all they'll talk about, but I'm glad I told you first," she says, walking over the sink and placing her empty mug into the basin. "You'll let me tell my brother, right?"

"Of course," I laugh. "I think he'll make a pretty good uncle."

"Oh I know he will. My kid will be hugging stuffed mufflers and corvettes before he or she turns a year old," she laughs.

I finally understand why I'm so close with Harlow. She's always been there for me.

I remembered something three weeks ago, on New Year's Eve. It was brief but stung deeply, and I've been hung up on it since. I was in a hospital, bawling, and Harlow was beside me holding my hand. I closed my eyes and tried to recall if it was something Ryan and I had talked about before, but it wasn't. It was new, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I let it bounce off me that night because I didn't want it to ruin New Year's, and I haven't told a soul about it. Not even Ryan. I think he knows something's been bothering me. Just the other day he said I've been more quiet than usual and he wondered if there was something I needed to talk about. Stupidly, I said no. I guess I kind of wanted to get the whole picture instead of diving in headfirst, but it's been nearly a month and I was still coming up empty.

I didn't think I'd actually resort to reading that diary Ryan gave me, but I did this morning before I drove here for brunch with Harlow while the boys went out ice fishing. I wanted to remember on my own, but it's not as easy as I hoped it would be. It hurts, and I don't know how much time will pass before I remember everything on my own or if I ever will. I felt like I was creeping around as I waited for Ryan to leave the house so I could pull the book down and flip through the many pages.

I read slowly because it hurt. The scene came to life in my memory as my eyes ate up the words scribbled in my own writing. I ached, as the girl journaling her thoughts did. I squeezed my eyes shut and let it play out, over and over again. Until now, I didn't believe memories so old could still be so painful. I remembered writing them out, and the reasons a few of the pages are blurred from tears.