Ryan, cont.

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Present Day

Have you ever been to the emergency room? Weird question, I know. But if so, you'll remember the nurse asking you to rate your pain on a scale of 1-10. You're lying there in a bed, uncomfortable as hell, and everything feels like a 10. If it didn't, you wouldn't be in the emergency room, would you?

Clearly, I've been there. More than you can imagine, actually, from stupid concussions as a kid, to mishaps as a late teenager, and I think I've said 10 every time. I can tell you now, that I was being a baby, because there's only been 1 time I've felt a 10, and I wasn't even the patient. Hands down, there's been no greater pain than the night I thought I was going to lose Henley.

Calm down. No one's in the emergency room. Nothing bad has happened; in fact, I'm in in the middle of one of the greatest days of my life. I've just gotten used to using that rating in other ways in my life, like hunger and tiredness, and adoration. Right now, on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the greatest day of my life, I'm damn near close to an 11.

My heart is bursting beneath my tuxedo; it's pounding so hard it actually hurts, and if I don't see her in a second, I'm going to black out. Is it nerves? On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being scared shitless, where do I rank, you ask? That's simple. It's zero. I'm not nervous in the slightest; in fact, I'm even more sure than I was the last time, and trust me, I didn't think that was possible.

I ache with anticipation, though nothing will technically change. We've been married for years. She's been the greatest gift in my life since the moment I met her. But today, I'm giving her something I couldn't the first time around – a real wedding, surrounded by the people we love. A renewal on our forever.

A few months ago, after we got back from Wyoming, I found myself crazy with the need to propose again. It sounds silly, maybe, especially after what we've been through. But if she hadn't gotten her memories back, I would've done the same thing. I would've asked the woman I love, regardless of the history in her mind, to spend the rest of her life with me, because our tragedy and losses gave me a chance to fall in love with her in a different way. And if we'd never met years ago, and married in a crazy frenzy like a couple of desperate fools...if the first time I'd met her was because she was randomly seated next to me on that airplane...well, I'd love her just the same, because she's Henley, and she's beautiful in every way, shape and form. Broken and fixed, she's the real thing. She's a fighter...my fighter, and I'm going to fight to give her everything she's missed while she was asleep.

I've seen that show about crazy brides, and I'm happy to say my gorgeous wife has never been one. Our wedding in Vegas was short, and as sweet as it could be, but it lacked personal touches, and just about everything else. That's why I suggested we set the date a few months in advance, so she'd have some time to actually plan what she wanted this time.

She's never been overly needy or demanding when it comes to planning, but she was even less intense than I'd figured. Her bakery provided a beautiful cake that Henley insisted on decorating herself. She did an amazing job, and the look in her eyes as she showed me the pictures told me she's really found something she loves doing. I'm incredibly happy for her, and when the wedding and honeymoon are over, I'm going to show her the packet of info I found on a few culinary schools, because I want the world for her.

Even though we're the least traditional couple in most every sense of the word, she wouldn't let me see her dress, and she spent that night at Harlow's last night, saying it was bad luck to see each other before the wedding. Luck? When have we ever had that? But I smiled at her requests, because she's adorable when she's trying to be tough, and I'll gladly go along with whatever she wants.

She's all mine tonight and forever.

Waiting a few months had it's other benefits, too, like much warmer weather. It's warm and the sun is bright. Our backdrop is familiar, as Henley wanted to get married at our home more than anything. I'm standing just outside our gazebo, looking out into a crowd of people I've known all my life and some I've known for just a few months. As soon as my family heard about our plans to renew our vows, they went nuts. I was sure to let them know I wanted Henley to have first say in everything, and they've been angels in helping make sure everything goes perfectly for today.

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