The Story That Will Never Be Told

Where it all started

My name is Elizabeth and im gonna tell you what my life really was like. Well everyone thought i had the best life anyone could have. Well they dont know what went on behind closed doors. Here is where it all began. I was 11 years old at the time and i was sexually assaulted by my sisters ex boyfriend and i finally told. While all this went on i began to become stronger and more self confident about my self I had no fear of anything or anybody.

Until i was about 12 and a half and I lost everything my strongness became weakness I lost all of my self confidence and I was scared of anyone who touched me. I got to the point that the only stress relife I had was playing my country music and cutting my self. I always just said i fell and they only belived me because im really clumsy. So I ignore all of the cut and bruises i had on me and thought about my friends my family what would they do if they lost me. Well not soon after that i get a call from my mom and i just completely died inside when she told me to go kill my self because im in her way and im to much of a burden to her.

Now about a year later it has gotton worse now my mom is never around. An even when she is a round shes trying to control my life. Even she dosnt know what whats going on. Well she still tells me to go kill my self. It dosnt even bother me anymore like it did before. So then i finally told someone about my cutting and they handled it theyre selves. Well i stoped ot for a little then i started getting anxitey attacks almost every night. So then i started wroting letters to my self unil they faded.

DEAR ME , DATE 6-23-17

I KEEP HAVING ANXITEY ATTACKS AND THEY ARE NOT GETTING BETTER . I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING TO CALM IT THEY WONT STOP I HEAR TO MANY VOCIE IN MY HEAD I CANT CONTROL THEM I REALLY WITH I COULD I JUST NEED HELP BUT IM TO SCARED TO ASK FOR HELP I WISH IT WILL ALL STOP BECAUSE IM NOT EATING ANYTHING IM GLUED TO MY BED AND WHEN IM AROUND PEOPLE I PUT THE FAKE ASS FACE UNTIL I CAN CRY BY MYSELF ALONE WHEN NO ONES HOME I CUT AND CRY UNTIL THERE IS NO MORE PAIN I ONLY WANT MY LIFE TO GO AND SEE U IN HELL I CANT HANDLE IT NO MORE ITS KILLING ME GOD HELP ME I HAVE BEEN WORSE BUT ITS NEVER GONNA GET BETTER. ITS TEARING ME UP INSIDE AND OUT ITS KILLING ME ALL THROUGHOUT IT GETTING TO THE POINT THAT PEOPLE HAVE CHANGED AND IM NEVER GONNA EXSEPT THE FACT THAT THEY ARE CHANGED.

I wrote my self these letters everyday until one i stop. I saw the sunshine comeing tho. I could he the bird cherping I could smell the summer brezze. I could smile with out the mask over my face I thought it was all over i could libe a normal life once again but that all soon changed on 7-7-17. It started off a chilly cold morning and i just woke up and it storming out so i was a woken by it and im shaking bc i went into a seizure and lost completely contral of every movment i had i just laid there and cried i tried yelling for help but i couldnt get my vocie high enough to call for help. So i try going for my phone but it wasnt there it was gonna then i was called and i see it fell under my bed and i couldn't move i was scared then next thing i know i close my eyes then when they open im surrounded by devonte and my dad and little brother and older sister was there with my nieces too so devonte is the first to noticed that i was awake he was already holding my hand crying. So he gets up and gets excited that im awake and he tells my dad who was holding my other hand tighter then tight im confused about what going on so i try and get up but i get put back in the bed. I asked whats going on and no one answered me so then i asked again with a demanding vocie then the machines started going off and nurses and doctores come running into the room the asked me all these questions and i tried answer all of them.but couldn't i was scared and started shaking once again then the doctors gave me something to stop the shaking.