The Loser in the End--The Sequel

No Way

"No..."  Roger rasped. "No fucking way.  Not Brian."

"Yes," Freddie said. "I'm only going to be satisfied with Brian's work."

"So then basically you're saying you want to get the band back together..."

"Yes," Freddie admitted.  "I'm just not a solo kind of guy, Roger.  I've tried it, and it's not for me."

"So why don't we just start another band then?"

"I really don't want to start another band at this point in my life," Freddie said.

"No fucking way,"  Roger repeated, shaking his head.  "I won't work with that asshole."

"It's the most logical solution, Roger," Freddie said.  "We know each other instinctively.  These studio musicians don't understand me at all."

"Well then count me out," Roger argued. "I don't want anything to do with him, and I bet John doesn't either."

"John's in love with me," Freddie boasted. "He wants me to be happy."

"Freddie," Roger said, rolling his eyes, "Don't be ridiculous! John's a happily married man!"

"Be that as it may, he is in love with me," Freddie insisted.

"Whatever, Freddie, but he'll never agree to this," Roger said.

If Freddie was trying to make Roger jealous again, it was working.  Despite being fully committed to Debbie, he still had some territorial feelings towards Freddie.  But the notion of John being in love with Freddie was preposterous.  Or was it?  John always did stand a little too close to Freddie in Roger's opinion...

But where was John now?  He'd run off somewhere in order to avoid Freddie's tantrum, leaving Roger alone to deal with it.  Typical, Roger thought.

Later that afternoon, Roger was leaving and wanted to say goodbye to Freddie, but he saw him having what appeared to be a very serious conversation with John in the control room.  No doubt Freddie was trying to convince John to give Brian another chance.  

Roger couldn't hear anything they were saying, but judging by their body language, John was having none of it.  Freddie was speaking and using his hands emphatically, while John just sat resolutely in his chair.  

That was the thing about John--as easy-going as he was, if he didn't want to do something, he simply wouldn't do it, no matter what.  Basically, he would just shut down.  He was as stubborn as a mule, and it could be infuriating.

Roger secretly watched while Freddie became more and more agitated.  But John wasn't budging.  Soon, John grew tired of the conversation and he got up to leave.  At that point, he put his arms around Freddie and rubbed his back soothingly.  He really held him for longer than was necessary, causing Roger to feel uneasy.  It appeared John did have feelings for Freddie that were more than just platonic.  But unfortunately for Freddie, that wasn't enough to sway John's decision...

Roger continued to observe Freddie even after John left.  For the first time, he could now see Freddie's face was beginning to age.  Although still very handsome, he looked defeated and weary--almost beaten-down.  He watched as Freddie laid his head on the mixing board in exhaustion.

Roger's first instinct was to go in there and comfort him.  To stroke his hair and tell him he loved him and everything would be fine.  But he knew he couldn't.  Stroking his hair would lead to stroking other things, and Roger wasn't going down that road again--especially now that he and Debbie were back together again.

So instead, he quietly slipped out the front door, biting his lip to keep the tears away...