written feelings |poetry

33

How many?

How many words do I have to tell you that its already you?

How many tears do I have to cry for you to catch me?

How many lessons do I have to teach you for you to somehow understand me?

How many 'i love you-s' and 'i miss you-s' do I have to prove for you to love me back without doubts and hesitations?

How many stars do I have to count and show for you to believe me that ITS ALREADY YOU?

Didn't you see all of my efforts?
Efforts that I did just for you.
Efforts that I almost sacrificed everything, including myself.
Didn't you?

I loved you without any doubts and regrets.
I loved you for what you are.
I loved you, just you.
Only you.

But you?
Oh yes youre with me.
But all those times we were together,
Im the only one who is loving.
Im the only one who is caring.
Oh what a clown you are.

All my life,
I trusted you.
I believed in you.
I thought youre happy with me.
With us.
But I heard it from you.
From you.
You loved me with hesitation.
You loved me and youre not sure about that.

Needles and knives started to crash and cut my heart.
And it awfully hurts.
It hurts.

And now,
All Im thinking,
Is how many days,
How many hours,
How many minutes,
And how many seconds,
Is left for me to exist.

How many?