Fragments

9.2

9.2

Dr. Moore isn't clutching his clipboard when I come into his office Monday morning. Instead his hands are clasped together, resting gently on his large wooden desk. He's waiting for me. When he smiles, it doesn't quite meet his eyes, and already I know I've lost.

"I've spoken to your mother and your counsellor, Dr. Day." He leans back in his chair. "I told them what I thought about you going home to an outpatient program and, unfortunately for them, they are not in a position to disagree with me."

I try to keep my voice from shaking. "What did you tell them?"

Dr. Moore's wrinkled face smiles. "That you're making progress here, at Elizabeth Roe's. That pulling you out of this school would deter that progress. I don't think you're ready to go home for good, Piper. Actually I'm pretty confident that if you did, you'd spiral out of control."

I wonder if he thinks that here, I am in control.

"However," he says, silencing my thoughts, "you are to go home for Christmas. Your mother will be coming to get you to fly back with her."

The thought of going home makes my chest tighten. I try not to let the pounding of my heart distract me. When I can't find any words to say back, I nod.

"I've instructed your parents to avoid using your triggers as topics while home, like Trevor and such. While I don't want you to avoid these triggers forever, I feel like you're not yet equipped with the tools you need in those situations. I want you to have a good trip home, Piper. It's important for you to have stable relationships in your life and also a support system. Your parents can give you that."

I nod again, shocked. Everything he's saying swirls around in my head, not yet absorbed. However I do know it's good. "Thank you."

Dr. Moore smiles. "Believe it or not," he says, "I'm on your side."

For the rest of the appointment we talk about my trip home. Dr. Moore tries to prepare me as much as he can before I go, since he can tell I'm dreading it. However by the time I leave his office I don't feel much better. I still have to go home for Christmas break. And even worse? My mother's coming to get me.

That night I lay on Sasha's bed, staring at the ceiling of little glow in the dark stars. Her room is so drastically different than mine that it doesn't feel like Elizabeth Roe's at all. The hot pink comforter is plush underneath me. I really need a new comforter.

"I can't believe we're both stuck going home," Sasha says, spinning back and forth in her white desk chair. "Two fucking weeks."

I close my eyes. "You're making it sink in."

"It's going to be awful. And boring. There's no one back home I want to see, either. Everyone kind of backed off when the two marriages fell apart. Nobody wants their parents to split up, so why be around my Mom?" She twirls a strand of hair around her finger and lets it unwind itself. "Do you have anyone at home you want to see?"

Want? No. Need? Maybe. I don't tell her about Trevor's brother and how guilty I've felt since I stood him up.

"No," I reply. "I just hope I don't run into Lane."

"What if you come to my house for the second week?" Sasha suggests. "Then we can spend New Years together and go back to school at the end of it."

When I open my eyes, I sit up. "Do you think that would be possible?"

Sasha holds up her finger and pulls out her cell phone. Her fingers swish across the touchscreen before she fires off a text. "Done."

"Just like that?"

She smiles. "Just like that."

"I wish my parents were that easy."

"You have a week to work at them," she says. "Just don't have any blowouts, like me, and we'll be good."

I laugh and Sasha starts spinning in her chair again. Maybe Christmas won't be so bad, if I can get away from my life for a week.