a cigarette for cade | ongoing

12 | let's get out of the house

"Love is three quarters curiosity."
- Giacomo Casanova -

[ T W E L V E ]
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OH, I AM SO SCREWED.

I made a motion to approach her - I had to - but Tatiana was too quick. With a twirl of her heels, she had already stormed off.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

What the hell was I thinking? Cade kissed me and that wasn't right to begin with... but what did I do? My dumbass kissed him back.

My brain starts hurting when I consider the possibility of Eli finding out. Is this considered cheating? Our relationship wasn't serious, was it? We weren't officially dating... After all, we've only known each other for a few weeks.

But how would I feel if Eli had been making out with someone else behind my back? I suppose I'd be pretty upset.

But then again, I wouldn't be surprised if he did.

➶

Our team won the game, but I couldn't care less.

Naomi and Andrei had left early because they had a visual arts excursion early in the morning the next day, Oliver and Eli went over to Boston Pizza (and tried to drag me along, though I refused fervently) and Cade disappeared to who-knows-where.

So Gabriel was driving me home.

I had never been alone with him before, and to say it was awkward was an understatement.

"So..." he said, gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. "How's life?"

"It's okay," I said, which was a definite lie. "And you?"

"Alright, I guess."

We sat in uncomfortable silence for another minute.

"What courses do you have this semester?" I asked.

"Biology, Functions, World Religions and Tech. Tech's the only one that's preventing me from jumping off a building so far. And you?"

I breathed out a laugh. "Calculus, English, Intro to Sociology, Drama. None of which are that fun, either."

"Ah."

Once more, silence fell upon us.

Unable to bear the awkwardness anymore, I decided to speak up again. "How are things between you and Naomi?"

It made me happy, seeing his face light up like a Christmas tree when I mentioned her name.

"Man, she's just so freaking great."

I smiled. "Yeah, she is."

"I just feel like I'm so lucky to have her, you know? And I don't want to sound all lovey-dovey or anything, but I still don't understand how she agreed to go out with me. Look at her, and then look at me. Doesn't really make sense."

He laughed for a bit, before it died out. Then, I said something that had been itching the back of my throat for a while.

"That's how love works. You shouldn't have to make sense. Just-"