blackmail ↻ jung jaehyun

38

◇nara

Honestly? Most people were starting to think that Jaehyun and I were a couple; some even calling me a... hoe? Whore? Because I basically 'jumped' from a man to another. Well, they basically jumped into conclusions. Jaehyun and I are friends. Nothing else than that.

Heck, I'm not even over Yuta. He was my crush, he was my boyfriendㅡand he was the sweetest person I've ever knownㅡnext to SoonyoungㅡI loved (or love) him a lot. Whenever I walk pass him in hallways or catch a glimpse of him, I feel so sad. I'm sad that we're basically strangers now.

But I can't do anything, if I talk about Yuta to anyone, all they do is tell me off. They don't get it. Yeah, okay, I know I'm quite pathetic to still be all head over heels for him when he basically cheated, but what can I do? My whole life not onceㅡever did my crush liked me back. Yeah, Jaehyun? Nope, Mingyu from elementary? No, he didn't either.

But Yuta? Even before the news (or rumours) about me liking him, he was already so nice to me, sometimes when we bumped into each other, he would greet a good morning, or even tell me to have a good morning.

And you have no idea how touched I was when he asked me out to homecoming. God, I wish we could be together foreverㅡbut I guess 5 months was the longest we could hold onto.

Jaehyun snapped his fingers in front of me. "Why're you frowning for?" He asked playfully. I shook my head, "nothing." I smiled, and acted cheerful since I didn't want him to suspect anything. "Today was fun! Most of the teachers in my class were absent," he explained, a grin was plastered on his face.

"Today was nerve wrecking because I had to do that PowerPoint with Yuta," I said, my voice sounding smaller and smaller. Jaehyun frowned as he too, realized my acting. "Awe, smile, dude. Smile because it's over!" He chirmed and placed both of his index fingers on the end of my lips, and then stretched it into a smile.

"Tada! You look prettier smiling, everyone does. So keep smiling, okay?" Jaehyun grinned at me, his two dimples showing as he smiled, I flashed a smile a too, but not as wide as his. After all, I was tired. "My head hurts," I muttered to myself, rubbing my head.

My head had been hurting for so long, but it's just that I didn't want to go to the infirmary since the nurse said she can't give me any types of medicine because that's against the law or whatever. So I thought if I drank a lot of water it would at least soothe a bit. But no, it got worse and worse. But hey, at least I was on my way home, right? I'll be fine.

Jaehyun just stared at me, I'm not sure what je was thinking but his eyes were kept on me. "Now that you mention it..." Jaehyun mumbled his eyebrows furrowed a little. "You kinda looked pale," he finished, a worried expression was glued on his face.

"I'll be fine, I'm almost home, anyways." I assured him, Jaehyun gave me a nod, but I knew he was still worried. "You know what? I'm not gonna part ways today, I want to make sure you actually get home safely." He said rubbing the top of my head gently.

And then he did it again, he held my hand. It feltㅡhow do you say it?ㅡEnchanting(?) I wasn't sure. My heart didn't race, but holding hands with Jaehyun... well I did felt safe, I felt like I'll be warm and happy and safe if Jaehyun was there to hold my handㅡor hug me. I don't know what's this feeling I was feeling, but, I never wanted it to stop.

I couldn't really call it 'love' because if it was love, it'd be different. I know this because I've been in love a couple of times, it requires your heart doing that '!!' thing, and your blood rushing quickly and your cheeks would het slightly hotㅡor worstㅡyou'd blush. But no, I wasn't feeling like that whenever Jaehyun holds my hand.

Whenever he does it, I... feel... fluffy. I feel loved, I feel wanted, I feel... appreciated. I feel like I'm safe from the world when Jaehyun holds my hand or hugs me. And most importantly, whenever he does it, my problems goes away for a while, my day becomes a whole lot better with such little actions.

Jaehyun's presence makes me happy.

I know this isn't love, because it's a whole different feeling. It's definitely not love.

But maybe it's different because you never actually fell in love... for real?

What if this whole time... love didn't require you to skip a beat? What if this whole time you didn't need to feel shy around the person you love/like? What if love is a type of feeling you can't describe? Like how I'm feeling now?

Maybe this whole time, I've been so in love with Jaehyun, that my heart didn't need to skip a beat. I didn't need to feel shy. All I needed was to know that he was there for me when I needed him the most. Maybe that's true love.

But again, maybe it's not. Geez, I should stop with all these over thinkings.