The Journal of a Heartbroken Girl

An update.

He's ignoring me again but watching all of my stories.

I decided to sing Paper hearts by Tori Kelly at a performance at school and invited him. I told him that it was part of his goodbye.

He eventually said okay.

We went back and forth a little about jokes.

This is all through Snapchat by the way because he never responded to me text.

After a while it was just dying so I opened his reply and never responded.

The next morning I had a Snapchat from him. I wasn't expecting it.

First one said "fuck I'm sorry you went to go brush your teeth and I knocked out."

Second one said something like fuck I'm sorry wrong person.

Third one said anyways I read the end and it was good or something like that.

I decided to say "thanks and lol."

Why has it been two days since I sent it and he hasn't opened that Snapchat yet he watches all of my stories?

I know he didn't send me anything on accident. I've been there. I've done what he did. I get it.

I thought we were passed this.

I'm done. I no longer care. We don't have to say goodbye. Don't come.

You were the sweetest boy in the world and tonight I made myself cry because I accepted that I don't know you anymore and what we had is gone.

Eventually I got tired of him watching my stories. I didn't want him in my life if he was going to be like this.

I sent a text.

"I can't do this anymore. don't bother coming to the thing."

There was nothing. then suddenly...

"What happened?"

No reply.

"Did I do something..."

No reply.

I don't want to respond to him. I feel bad because nobody deserves to not know what going on. No matter how much he fucked me up but I just can't talk to him.

I even un-added him from snapchat.

I wasn't sure I could feel so happy with him out of my life but I do. I haven't looked at him or payed much attention. I know when he's around because I get this awful awkward feeling but aside from that its like we never met.

It's sad but theres nothing for me to do about it.

It's been a week since I talked to him last.

To my surprise he texts me at 1:18am.

"Okay I guess thanks for blocking me..."

Why? I was doing perfectly fine. Why'd he have to come and ruin it?

I texted a few friends asking for advice. I don't want to be mean and not tell him whats going on but I can't talk to him.

People like me because I'm a positive, happy, weird, and entertaining person. I'm always there for my friends or I try to be. I like those qualities about myself and whenever he reaches out it just makes me feel bad and unhappy. Thats not me. Thats now what I want to be.

One of my friends sent a reply for me.

"Aye man, this is Anthony right? Man I hate to break it to you but she's gone. You made her feel like crap cause she didn't know why you lost interest. In her prime she was happy and in love and towards the end you didn't treat her the same as you once did, and she noticed. She doesn't want to feel like crap again."

I finally fell asleep.

In the morning my friend quoted me his reply.

"Okay, thanks for saying something."

Shade. Shade for me not saying anything to him.

Why did he need me to reply? So he could read it and ignore me again and make me feel like crap?

No. He doesn't get to make me react. He doesn't get to make me feel anything. He doesn't get to get to me at all. He doesn't get me at all.

He never will again.