Watch & Learn: Book II

Chapter Sixteen: How To Cope

Candace

I took Rome's and Stacy's advice and went to go see my doctor. I saw her yesterday and when I arrived, Dr.Kim asked me to complete some questionnaire first. Then she ordered a few blood tests to determine whether it was an underactive thyroid that was contributing to why I was feeling the way that I was. Today, I sat in her office before we began discussing how I was feeling.

"How do you feel on a day to day basis?" Dr.Kim asked me.

"I'm usually tired, worried, overwhelmed." I listed. "I've been really irritable lately too. And I don't really have an appetite. It's been hard for me to get sleep. My mind is always racing."

"When did you start feeling this way?" Dr.Kim questioned while writing on her notepad.

"I wanna say a day or two after I came home from the hospital." I responded.

"Have your symptoms been getting better or worse over time?" She asked.

"I'd say worse. When they first started, I thought that it was just a phase that I'd get over but as the days went on, they never went away." I told her.

"Do you think that the way you feel is affecting your ability to care for your baby." She questioned.

"No, not really. I have no problem caring for him. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not doing a good job. I feel like I could do things better. When he cries, sometimes I don't know what's wrong with him and I feel like a bad mom for not knowing. Or for the fact that he's even crying at all." I teared up.

"Do you feel like you and your baby share a bond?" She asked, giving me the box of tissues.

"Even though I spend majority of my time with him, I still feel like there's a disconnect." I replied.

"How often would you say you feel anxious, irritable or angry?" Dr.Kim asked while I thought on it.

"All the time." I shook my head. "You asking me all of these questions is actually making me kinda irritated."

"I'm sorry. I know it's a lot but it's protocol." She apologized while I nodded my head. "Have you had any thoughts of harming yourself or your baby?"

"No, never." I said adamantly.

"How much support do you have in caring for your baby?" She asked.

"At first, not much. I was usually just in the house by myself with the baby. Rome started to help out once he saw how all of this was affecting me." I responded.

"Are there other significant stressors in your life, such as financial or relationship problems?" She questioned.

"We're great financially. Money really isn't a problem. But since the delivery, my relationship with Rome has been kinda different. Before him and I had talked, I was usually irritated with him because he was always at practice and I had to stay home and do everything. I felt like I had no help whatsoever. And because he didn't really know how I was feeling, he would keep talking to me and acting like everything was fine when it wasn't. And then that would lead to me blowing up on him. And now that the baby is here and work is picking back up, we don't really get time to spend with each other. It's kinda hard to endure, especially when you're used to things being so perfect." I explained to her.