What A Kiss Is

Chapter Eighteen

Eighteen

How Hélèna manages to crash and still look practically perfect while sleeping is beyond me. I’ve been up for a while, and she hasn’t moved. This buys me some time to find Amber and try to explain something I don’t understand.

She’s not on her boat. She’s not at the coffee place. As I wander back down to the docks I notice her truck is gone. My chest sinks. Great. 

Now I guess I’ll have to face Hélèna, who I also don’t know how to talk to, or even how to be around since most of our normal activities are sort of off-limits.

I send Amber another text.

PLEASE CALL OR COME BY AS SOON AS YOU’RE BACK

I wait and wait, but get no response.

Perfect.

I sit on a bench in the parking lot, trying to pretend I just like the bench and not that I’m desperate for Amber. But I sort of am. I’m being stretched and pulled in too many directions to make a good decision about anything. I know it’s rude to leave Hélèna alone on the boat, but I still don’t know what to say to her or how to handle her, or if I can even say “handle” when I’m talking about a girl or if it’s something I should be giving myself a black eye over.

And then there’s Amber who I just want to hold and force to understand how I feel. But I can do neither because we’re not in a great place for talking, much less holding. What sucks is that I have no idea how Amber’s feeling because I’ve never felt that way, but I do know I made her uncomfortable and that me carrying Hélèna didn’t help things any.

If Mom was here, she’d know what to tell me, but I can’t think about Mom. It starts churning around all the stuff I’ve been shoving away.

At somewhere between one and two in the afternoon, I give up and go back to the boat.

Hélèna steps out of the room as I come in, stretching her lean arms over her head.

“Bonjour.” She blinks a few times in sleepiness.

“Bonjour.”

“You look confused,” she says.

My phone buzzes in my pocket.

I’M DONE RUNNING. IN TOWN.

“I’m sorry.”I look frantically between Hélèna and the door, feeling desperate to get back out.

“I’ll take a shower. See you in a few.” She gives me a small wave.

My mouth’s open like an idiot, but no explanation about Amber comes out. I sprint out of the boat in hopes to catch her before something else gets in our way.

- - -

“Amber! Wait up!” I finally find her on my way back down. I’m sweaty from running up the hill, and out of breath from both panic and my short sprint.

“Hey.” Her voice sounds so sad and tired, and once again I wish she’d let me hug her and push it away.         

“I want to talk. Please.” I’ve said please more to this girl than probably anyone else in my whole life, aside from Mom. And really, it’s not fair since I was around Mom all the time.

“Alright.” She sighs. “Let’s talk.”

Great. She agreed. Now what? “Let me just say the worst thing first.”

“The worst?”

“She kissed me at the airport. I mean, it was her, and I didn’t have a chance to think or…”