Misty Mountains (A Hobbit Fanfiction)

Chapter 5

Unedited

The next ten minutes went by in a hectic, although exciting, blur. So many things were happening at once: dwarves shouting, trolls screaming, stabbing, slashing and slicing. Bilbo managed to set the ponies free and Thorin almost got crushed by a falling troll, but I knocked him out of the way before the troll had the chance to land. Thorin gave me a rare smile and we all gathered to attack again.

"Bilbo!" Kíli exclaimed, but before he could run to retrieve the hobbit, Thorin held out his muscular arm, stopping his nephew.

"Lay down your arms," Two of the trolls held Bilbo by his small arms and legs. He had a frightened expression on his face. The troll continued, "Or we'll rip his off."

I held my position, as did the others, but I looked to Thorin waiting for his call. Oh, Mahal, he was angry. His lips pursed into a thin line, eyes blazing with anger. He jammed his sword into the dirt. Shit. Kíli threw his sword and bow and arrow down; Ori following his lead with his slingshot. I dropped my sword, irritated with Thorin and the trolls.

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The trolls had a fun idea with ending our lives. We were to be cooked. Thorin, Glóin, Óin, Kíli, Nori, Balin, Bombur, Bilbo and I were stuffed into bags, set aside to be cooked next, while Bofur, Bifur, Dwalin, Fíli, Ori, and Dori were tied up, spinning like rotisserie chickens over the fire. We struggled to break free from the bags, but it was useless. I slumped back on Thorin's shoulder whilst the others continued. Thorin scrunched his forehead at my choice but didn't object. The dwarves who were roasting hooted and hollered, trying to convince the stupid trolls to let them go.

"Don't bother cooking them," one of the trolls said with a squeaky voice. "Let's just sit on them and squash them into jelly."

"They should be sautéed," another said. "Grilled, with a sprinkle of sage."

"Is this really necessary?" One of the dwarves shouted from over the fire. It sounded like Dori but I couldn't be sure.

"That does sound quite nice,"

"Never mind about the seasoning; we ain't got all night!" the third troll shouted. "Dawn ain't far away, let's get a move on. I don't fancy being turned to stone."

Bilbo looked around rapidly, like a bunny rabbit who had spent too much time with his pipe. "Wait!" He shouted. "You are making a terrible mistake."

"You can't reason with them," Dori said. "Their half-wits!"

"Half-wits?" Bofur replied. "Then what does that make us?"

Bilbo managed to stand, hopping closer to the fire and the trolls. "I meant with the seasoning."

"What about the seasoning?" The troll wearing the apron asked.

"Well, have you smelt them?" Bilbo replied with a question. "You're gonna need something stronger than sage before you plate this one up," Bombur aimed a kick at Bilbo, who jumped out of the way on time. The dwarves protested to him with angry shouts as I stayed silent on Thorin's shoulder. He didn't say much either.

"What do you know about cooking dwarf?" The troll spinning the other six over the fire said.

Bilbo was about to answer until the troll with the apron said, "Shut up! Let the, uh, fleuraburberhobbit talk."

Bilbo smiled cutely and improvised with, "Uh, the secret to cooking dwarf is, um,"

"Yes? Come on," The troll demanded while Bilbo stuttered. "Tell us the secret!"

"Yes, yes, I'm telling you!" Bilbo said hopping a little. "The secret is," he looked to the side trying to come up with something quickly. "Toooo skin them first!"