Not That Bad

THREE

"You know," Ty said, grabbing a handful of popcorn from the bowl in front of him, "I didn't mean to out Alison and Julian like that earlier."

Kaya shrugged and looked at the TV, ignoring the tightening of her gut. "It's not like he would've dated me anyway. I faced the facts long ago." At sixteen, she had known early on that Julian would never date a black girl. Her mother had ingrained that toxic thinking into her mind and her words had been true.

Ty grabbed her chin and turned her face so that she could look at him. "Don't think like that. If he knew what was good for him he would have gotten with you a long time ago." He removed the blanket that covered him and stood up to enunciate his point. "Think about it. All throughout high school we hung out, right? And he suspected that you liked him—don't give me that look, I didn't tell him—but he didn't confront you about it and confirm anything. He ignored it. As his best friend, I have it on good authority that he had a small crush on you too, but he was too worried about his reputation and what his family would think."

"Oh" was all that Kaya could say to the wealth of information that she had just gotten. Ty looked a little sheepish, as if he didn't mean to rant about his best friend, and Kaya gave a small smile to reassure him.

Either way, this subject wasn't really something that she felt comfortable talking about. She left Layton to stop crushing on a man that would never see her as more of a friend and to build herself up to be a better person, not dwell on the past and let it weigh her down. She was in Layton for a job and to help people, not reminisce.

She changed the subject and Ty thankfully didn't say anything else on the matter. He did watch her from the corner of his eye, though, and when he sat down, he placed himself closer to her, as if to comfort her should she need it. She pretended not to notice. The entire time that Ty was at her place she forced herself not to think of Julian and focus on the movies they were watching—they had decided to watch the entire Dark Knight trilogy, and it worked until Ty left.

When he did—at one in the morning with half of the snacks they had purchased on the way to Kaya's—Kaya finally allowed herself to relax. Her first day out in public had been overwhelming and she needed to recharge and get her things ready for her meeting with the youth director. There wasn't much to do besides get some papers together and create a list of possible questions that he would ask. After that, she had nothing else to do and went to sleep.

"Did the interview go well?" Derrick asked her later the next day. The two of them had decided to meet at Ruth's after Derrick had finished his school day. That had given Kaya time to actually make some progress on her living room; the walls had been patched and sanded, and instead of putting up a new wallpaper she decided to prime the wall and paint it with the paint she'd gotten from the hardware store. Derrick had left the school by four—he said that was early for him—and had brought in a thick folder full of papers that he'd needed to grade.

"I think so," Kaya answered. "He wants to see how I work. It's too late in the year to start anything new and he said that the kids he worked with were used to the regular staff, so when the time comes he's going to pair me up with another mentor and introduce me to the kids. We'll see where it goes from there."

Derrick nodded. "So what will you now?"

"Well, I'm waiting on a call from Alison to see whether or not I got the job. If I don't, I have another job is waiting for me in Gainey; I can commute, since it's cheaper living here than in the city. It's not mentoring—more of an office position with a little bit of video editing work sprinkled in, but it's something and pays about the same."

Derrick stared at Kaya and she looked around, not meeting his eye. Though in the hours after her interview with Alison she'd been confident that she'd get the job, when she woke up she felt sick to her stomach with the thought that Alison would somehow sabotage her chances, which wasn't a long way off from what she regularly did in high school. She knew that it was just anxiety, but that didn't stop her from feeling a foreboding sense of doom.

Kaya took a long sip from her soda before looking back at her uncle. He was still staring at her, his features concerned.

"Kaya..." He trailed into silence.

"I'm fine, Unc," Kaya said. "I still have my lease there, too. If things get bad down here then I have a place to go."

"You have a place here," Derrick said. "With me and April."

Kaya smiled. "Thanks, but if it gets bad down here you and April's place won't keep me safe. Leaving here—possibly for good—will."

Derrick dropped the subject and they finished lunch in silence. After a while, he had to go and run some errands for April—it had been raining that day and she didn't feel like putting on her prosthetics when her legs felt sore—before helping cook dinner. Kaya waved him goodbye and leaned back in the booth.

As she leaned back, she really thought about what she'd seen around Layton. The small town had only grown a bit bigger in the four years since she'd left: there was a new grocery store in town and a couple of fast food restaurants. The older part of the city had been restored and was well on its way to becoming a tourist trap, and there had been new houses built where some cotton fields once sat.

She still saw the same people that she'd seen in high school, and when they had noticed her they stared at her as if they hadn't ever seen her before. Sure, she'd let her hair grow out and gained twenty or so pounds, but other than that she hadn't really changed. Her self-esteem was still pretty low even though her mother had told her time and time again that she was beautiful (she knew that but still remembered people choosing others over her in school and abandoning her once they got to know her, which led to her self-esteem issues) and just needed to find the right friends. So the staring was uncomfortable, especially because she knew it came from places of envy and misplaced dislike.

Kaya closed her eyes and sighed, deciding that she needed to go home and get some work done before going to bed. That living room wall wasn't going to paint itself. She paid for her food and then left, yawning as she walked to her car. She still felt anxious as to whether or not she would get the job—she had first applied to become a general mentor but then realized that she wanted to work with kids and teenagers, hence the interview with the director of youth engagement—and she still didn't know how to feel about being back in Layton.

As she passed the high school, she slowed down, almost bombarded with memories of the place. The school hadn't really changed. The building was made of brick and was only one story, but was spread out across ten acres of land. She remembered the soccer field, the tennis court, football field, and track field. From what she could see, they looked almost brand new and realized that somehow Layton had gotten a grant to upgrade their utilities. 

There were big banners on the walls outside of the school that boasted that Layton Senior High School was known for their generosity and sportsmanship, and Kaya guessed it was aimed at making the school seem more positive, but she wasn't buying it. The teachers had turned a blind eye to bullying when she was in school, and it would be a surprise if they had changed now. She was betting that a bunch of her old teachers were still there, still choosing favorites and still riling up students for their entertainment.

Finally feeling the urge to actually leave the school and stop reminiscing, Kaya finally drove home. It was still warm out when she arrived, and she was thankful to walk into an air-conditioned home. Quickly, she showered and put on some of the old clothing that she wore when she helped out at her old volunteer shelters and then got to covering all of her furniture and painting. It took a good two hours, but by eight p.m. she was in pajamas and lounging on her couch watching reruns of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.