Mary Sue Check & Kill [DISCONNTINUED]

Kiran

Name: Kiran

Age: 23

Species: elf

Personality: She's actually really childish and immature for a noble. Due to this, she's kind of a klutz. NEVER make her angry, though. The best you will get is a curse.

Backstory: She was born to a noble family, renowned for their magic expertise. Her father died of old age around her 19th birthday. She now takes care of her mother.

Looks: medium length Green hair, blue eyes, tanned skin. Wears a lot of robes and light armor, due to her job as a Mage.

My Opinion:

Kiran seems like a pretty good OC. Sure it may seem a little odd that a child's parent died due to old age, but hey, I know parents that are over 50 and have children younger than me. The only thing that I would like to criticize is that just because you act childish and immature, doesn't automatically make you a klutz. Other then that Kiran seems like a pretty good OC!

Ways you can improve:

Though Kiran is a good OC, try to keep in mind a limitation that she might have when she's angry. By what I mean is, will she snap out of her rage once she realizes what she's done? Or will she continue hurting them until they are almost half dead? Keep this in mind when you're writing about her.