SPRING DAY

spring baby

"everything has changed and yet, i am more me than i've ever been."

- iain thomas -

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i showed my boss what i've been writing three days ago. she's supposed to get back to me today. i hope she likes it.

i've been fidgeting at my desk all day. i've been worried since the day i gave it to her.

she's incredibly critical but she's good at what she does, so i can't help but care about what she thinks.

my fingers constantly drum on the desk in a steady rhythm. it somehow soothes me as my heart beats in staccato.

i wonder if what i've been writing is too personal for public consumption. i put a big piece of me into my words like my mum had advised.

this book has been my spring baby. i have nurtured it these past few months and now it's finished just as spring is coming to its end.

i am definitely not the same as i was during the winter. i don't mope around anymore. i don't cry myself to sleep some nights anymore. i smile more. i laugh genuinely.

i don't think of you constantly any longer. that's the best part.

i hear my name and i am pulled out of my wandering thoughts. it's my boss. i hurry to her office, ready to hear what she has to say.

she speaks fast and it all feels like a hallucination as i listen. she's complimenting me and commending the book.

she says something about sharing it with the higher ups and them loving it as much as she did.

my ears are ringing and i can't stop smiling as she continues to speak. i don't realise i'm crying when i hear her last statement until a tear rolls off my chin.

she tells me the company wants to publish my book.

to her, the best quality of the book is how personal it is. it is more relatable. more honest. realer.

i nod my head frantically telling her i would love to have it published. i'm willing to have my words out there in the open.

my mind wanders to you again. i wonder if you would congratulate me if you knew. if we still spoke.

especially since it's about you. about us. about me after us.

then i realise it doesn't really matter to me if you like my book or not. i am doing this for me. this is all for me. for me to find myself again.

☀☀☀

two more chapters to the end!