Frustration -SERIES- [Part 2] Headphones & Reveries [boyxboy]

Chapter Twenty One

I paused for a moment in the hallway on my way to the main living area to take a couple of deep, steadying breaths, but then, even though a significant part of me wanted to just run, I made a tight mental grip on everything Rachel had said and kept going.

Almost everyone was up, awake, and in the kitchen by now, and I noticed Chloe and Freya must have stayed over last night as well because they were mingling with them, and they were all chatting amongst themselves so nobody really noticed as I walked quietly past them towards where Conor was standing, a little removed for them, by the kitchen island.

Not really trusting myself to say anything just then, I slipped my hand into his and he looked down at it, then up at me, surprised. I jerked my head towards our room and, keeping his expression carefully neutral, he nodded and let me lead him there.

Still not saying anything, I climbed up on the bed and he followed me, sitting across from me patiently while I took another deep breath.

'Okay,' I said, figuring the least I owed him was eye contact and not letting myself look down at my hands like I wanted to. 'I know I don't really have any right to ask this after the way I've behaved for the last couple of weeks but there's something I have to talk to you about and I haven't been dealing with it very well - I fucked up, and I just, I really need you to... I just need you.' I paused. 'Okay?'

He nodded, not saying anything, and still remaining carefully neutral in his expressions.

'Okay,' I mumbled, finally letting my gaze drop to my hands. 'So. A couple of weeks ago, when we went to that rooftop party in Brooklyn, and I disappeared?' I shot a glance up at him briefly to see him nodding before looking back down. 'I was at the bar with Jackson and this woman started talking to me. She said she was Jerry Mitchell's assistant and that he was at the party. So she introduced me to him, and we were talking for a while. I think they tricked me,' I said, frowning. 'I think... Anyway, he asked me to go back to his studio with him for an hour because it was only a couple of blocks away and I... I wanted to not be difficult, to be... Accommodating, professional. So I went with them and they gave me this drink... I was already kind of buzzed so I only had a couple of sips of it but my head started to get real weird... I think there might have been something in it. Anyway he had his assistant start taking pictures of me and he... Was directing me, he got me to take some of my clothes off... My head felt so weird. All I could think about you, I could see you, but you weren't there. And then...' I could hear the emotion in my voice up until that point but suddenly I became monotone. 'Then he was beside me and he grabbed the back of my head and put his penis in my mouth and I tried to push him off but I couldn't for a couple of seconds. I fell over. And she kept taking pictures. The whole time. They tried to stop me leaving but I ran.' I took a deep, shaky breath and shook off the monotonous tone. 'Anyway, when I got outside I got sick and I didn't really know what to do. So I called Chloe. And she knew. She already knew. She came and picked me up and we drove around for a while before she dropped me off here. And Rach... Rach figured it out as well.'

I was scared to look at him, scared of what his expression would say or that he wouldn't believe me, but I forced myself to look up and he was just there, looking back at me, Conor, my whole world.

He reached out and pulled me towards him, wrapping me in a tight hug, and I hugged him back, letting myself collapse against his body and sigh into the safety of coming home.

That lasted for about ten seconds.

Suddenly I felt it bubbling up inside me and managed a choked, 'Oh, god,' before the tears started coming, pouring out of my eyes and over my cheeks and onto his shoulder. He just held me and rocked me and kept repeating, 'I've got you,' and, 'It's okay,' and, 'I'm right here,' until, after what felt like forever, I cried myself out.