Cactus Wren

Chapter Twenty Three - Confessions

Karmen is driving us back to the house after leaving the Denver's Academy sanctioned hospital. Kat is resting there overnight after being treated for the bullet wound to her thigh. Luckily it missed her femoral artery, but she did loose quite a bit of blood in the time it took us to get her back to Denver to be treated. Yuki had called in backup when we reported in that the Black Heart Brothers had caught up to us so it didn't take long for assistance to arrive and take care of the bikers we had neutralized.

Unfortunately, for me, the MC Prez had indeed held still so I didn't have any excuse to shoot his balls off. That didn't stop me from giving them a swift kick in honor of his 'old lady' though. Karmen pulled me off of him before I had a chance to get a second kick in, but I caught the smirk she tried to hide as she guided me away from him.

The rest of us came out of the stand off mostly unscathed. Karmen had a split lip and Rachel had some sore ribs but we walked away clean. As we left the hospital, Karmen did receive an update that the wives were secured at the safe house near Boulder so we were successful in drawing attention away from their escape.

Another mission completed successfully.

I should be on some great adrenaline high. I should be joining Rachel as she excitedly recalls the events of tonight's mission to Yuki. Her hands flying around, miming some of her story, making it more dramatic. I should be celebrating with my team but this doesn't feel right. Instead I'm tuning her out and watching the buildings of downtown Denver pass by the passenger window of the van. The only people I want to talk to are a thousand miles away.

This isn't my team. This isn't my home.

After the Nogales mission was completed and those girls were finally back with their families, I felt ecstatic. I chatted with the guys about the mission the whole way home. Energy buzzed around us as we recalled different events at the club or at the ranch.

But then we went out to celebrate and everything went to shit.

Things are better this way, no need to celebrate. I just did my job, I helped Karmen's team complete their assignment, now move on.

We pulled up to the house in Capital Hill and we all piled out. I help Yuki unload some of her equipment from the back of the van. I numbly drop off a few cases in the living room and head back outside to grab more. Just as I was wrapping some long cables up I heard my name.

"Rebbie?"

I knew that voice. I missed that voice. I hadn't heard it in what felt like years when it had only been days. Slowly I turn and see five pairs of eyes looking back at me. I shift my gaze from one to the next, seeing all the emotions I've been feeling these last few days reflecting back at me.

Sadness. Longing. Hurt. Determination.

The ache in my heart returns seeing them here in front of me. I want to run to them and hold them, never letting them go and begging for their forgiveness for leaving them. I also feel shame for leaving the way I did and a lump forms in my throat. Why would they ever forgive me for the way I left? Why would they ever take me back when I could rip them apart?

"H-How...?" I begin to ask.

"You went shopping recently," Eddie answers. "Did you find some nice things?" 

My shopping trip with Rachel. I used my cards instead of cash. Eddie must have tracked my credit cards, leading them right to me. I give a half smile because sometimes he's too smart for his own good.

"Of course." I say, answering his question and talking to myself at the same time. Silly Rebbie, I think to myself, you should know better. You were trained better than that.