I can say I'm done in a million ways
But let's not beat around the bush
Let's cut to the the chase
(and you changed, I changed, but it's too late)
Now I'm so through, too cool, on ya
And if our love was a game, you just lost
(and you changed, I changed, but it's too late)
- Kelly Rowland
Dee
I'm in the mall walking and pushing CJ in his stroller. I got paid today and I already paid my half on the bills, I already put away some of this money to save, and the rest is about to go towards CJ. He's my main focus. School was but now I just do all my work at home and turn it in at school. I have a son and I gotta tend to him because he's my main priority.
I look at him. He's knocked out sleep. I chuckle and put his pacifier back in his mouth. I continue my stroll. "Let's see..." I mumble, looking around. I walk into the Disney Store. I start looking around. I grab the "Cars" baby sunglasses. These are too cute. "Daddy, I want this." I hear a little girl. "Aleena, hell no. That's for niggas." I hear some dude. I look at him. Jesus, he fine. He's a pretty brown color with long dreads and hazel green eyes. The man is gorgeous. "Daddy, let me get it!" She says. I laugh. He looks at me and shakes his head. "She bad as hell." He says. "How old is she?" I ask. "She six. This your son?" He asks, pointing at CJ. "She's pretty. And yeah." I say. "Thank you and how old is he?" He asks. "He's three months now." I answer, smiling. "Aww shit, he look just like you." He Says. I chuckle. "Naw... He looks like his dad." I say. "Where he at?" He asks. I frown up just thinking about Chres. "Who knows?" I sarcastically ask. He smirks. "My nigga must be stupid as hell to dip out on yo fine ass." He says. I laugh. "Yeah, he must be. Thank you." I say. "So, how old are you? A nigga ain't trynna get no rape charge." He says. I laugh. That shit was crazy. Who says that? "I'm eighteen. Yeah... I know, I had a child young. you?" I ask. "No need to explain yo self to me. I had my first child when I was fourteen..I'm twenty. What's yo name?" He asks. "DeErra, you?" I ask. "Dee." He says. I laugh. "That's what everybody call me." I say. He chuckles. "Well, imma let you call me Tay" He says. I nod my head. "Nice meeting you." I say. "You too. Can I get yo number?" He asks, smiling. This man dimples so sexy. "Yeah." I say, grabbing his phone. I feel a tap on my leg. I look Down At his daughter. "Hey Pretty girl." I say. She smiles. "Can I hold your baby?" She shyly asks. "Sure." I say. She sits on the floor. I get CJ out his stroller. "You sure?" Tay asks. I nod my head and place him in her arms. "Don't drop him, ok?" I say. She smiles. "He so cute." She says. He opens his eyes and looks around. He looks at her and smiles then starts making noises. I smile and take a picture. "Awwww he like you." I say. He lays on her chest. "I like him." She says. "Come on, Leena I gotta get you to yo momma." Tay says. I grab CJ. "Bye bye. Bye baby." Aleena says. I smile. "Bye. See you later Tay." I say. "You too." He says, hugging me. I smile once they walk out. I hope he ain't full of shit. I hope we could eventually build something.
Roc
I just got to my momma house. I'm still mad as hell. I don't even know who and what I'm mad at, I'm just mad. I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to feel. I get out then unlock the door.
I walk in the house. "Ma?" I call. "I'm upstairs!" She hollers. I walk up there. "What's wrong?" She asks. I stare at her for a second. "You been cryin, I see. Why?"She asks again. "Momma, did you know CJ was in the hospital?" I ask. Her face softens. "Chres..." I cut her off. "Ma, you knew and didn't tell me?" I yell. "Hold up, don't come in here hollering! Yo ass went M.I.A. for a damn month! You left that girl with yo baby! The hell happened to that shit you was talkin about how you a real man? You doin that same shit yo daddy did! Don't come in here hollerin cause you in the wrong!" She snaps back. I shake my head and wipe the tears off my face. "Ma, why didn't you tell me?" I ask. "I didnt know til after the fact. She said she blew your phone up trying to tell you but you kept ignoring her then you blocked her so she figured I would feel the same way towards her." She says. I sit down. "Fuck..." I say to myself. "You better get yourself together. Don't make her raise that baby by herself cause she didn't make him by herself." She says. "Ma... She ain't lettin me see him no more. She through." I say. "You love her?" She asks. "What, ma-" She cuts me off. "You love her?" She asks again. "Well, yeah I do." I say. "You got a hard way of showin it. That girl love you. She just mad. You know how Dee is. She ain't gone keep you from CJ. You just gotta start doin better. Go call her. She changed her number. Get it out my phone." She says, going back to painting the wall. "She for real this time." I say. "Call her." She says again. I find her number then dial it on my phone. It rang a few times before she picked up. "Hello?" She answers. "Dee... Listen, I'm sorry." I say. She sighs. "Ok." She says. "For Real, Dee... I admit, I was wrong. I was, Dee. If you don't ever wanna be cool again, I understand but just let me see my son. I'm gone do better." I say. "Tell me why you say the same shit every time you mess up. The minute I forgive you, you go do worse by me and CJ. I'm sick of this shit. I shouldn't have to raise a child by myself. You think I wanted to drop everything and become a mother this young? Huh, Chres? I don't regret my son but I kept him for you. I kept him because he's yours and you said you wanted him. I hate you." She says. "Dee, you don't hate me and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. Just let me see him..." I say. She sighs. "Get the address from Ray." She says. I smile. She hangs up. I texted Ray and he sent it to me.
-
I just got to the apartment. I get out then knock on the door. It opens And Miracle steps to it. "Uh...Dee here?" I ask. She looks me up and down. "Fuck my best friend over one more time and I swear I will hurt you and I mean it from the bottom of my heart. She my only friend and I'll be damned if she stress to the point she laid in the hospital. Now, get your ass in here and be a man and make shit right! And you better apologize to my baby for trynna pin yo mistakes on him." She goes off. I raise my eyebrow. The hell? "Sorry. Can I come in?" I ask. She rolls her eyes and steps to the side. "Step in." She says. Damn, she told my ass. I walk in. "Sit on the couch and wait." She says. I sit down. Dee walks in with DJ. I stand up, staring. She beautiful. Something about her changed and I get a different vibe from her. She in some Nike booty shorts and a tank top with her hair in a ponytail. "Hey..." I say. She ignores me and hands me CJ. I stare at him, smiling. I love him even tho everybody think I don't. He my lil nigga. I kiss his head. He opens his eyes then bursts out screaming, trying to get in Dee's arms. "Aww dang lil man don't want daddy." I say. Dee grabs him and he stops. He glares at me, sniffling with his head on her shoulder. "It's a shame when your own son don't recognize you." She says. I swallow hard and look down. I tried to convince myself that ain't what he cried for but she right. "Imma do better." I say, forcing a smile on my face. "Mhmm. Hold on." She says. She walks out then comes back without CJ. "I won't keep you from him because he's your son." She says. I put my hands in my pocket and nod my head. "Thank you." I say. She nods her head and looks away. I grab her chin and turn her head to me. "Dee... Come on, girl, I'm sorry. Aight? I am. Just don't forget about us." I say. She chuckles. "You funny. I'm way off you. What I thought we had or could've had is no more. A frienship is no more. I can be cordial for CJ and that's it. That's all you can call me for. You win, fuck all the hoes you want. I'm through. She says. I swear my heart just felt like I was stabbed in It. I nod my head. "See you later." I say, walking off. Damn, she really through with me. Yeah, that shit stung but imma suck it up. I ain't gone show that.
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I'm at my track meet right now yall. Guess what? I qualified to run in a college meet Friday at Ole Miss AYYYYY Lol Track Nation PUSSY!
