Blurred Lines

Toxic

Okay. So some of you may looking at your phone screens like "I swear there was like 15 chapters?". Yeah your eyes ain't lying bihh. Basically like I explained on my previous chapter I have been going through it chile. I have just been feeling so empty and depressed these past couple of months and I have not been feeling this story, especially because I started it when I was like 16/17 and I'm now 19. So I thought let me just start this shit again and let this story grow with me as I grow as a person. I don't want to really go into how I have been feeling but university has really been draining me. And with that said I honestly just want to thank every single one of you who reached out to me, honestly, you guys are really everything. When I put that little announcement I really didn't expect people to empathise with me and actually take time out of their day to offer me some advice and a helping hand. I honestly just wanted to vent. I know I didn't reply to everyone individually and I hope no one got offended by that and if that's the case I'm sorry, I've honestly been going through a lot. But what I am trying to say is thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys really helped me so much. I don't even know you guys and you have offered me so much support and just for that I know blessings are coming your way. Like I just know that all of you guys are gonna glow this summer, edges are going to be flourishing, you guys are going to be so blessed and successful and most importantly happy. And for some of you new readers who don't understand me just ignore this part but yeah. Thank you guys so much, God bless you all.
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November 2015

I looked in the mirror and stared at myself. My blown out natural hair was brushed into a sleek high puff, emphasising my small eyes and bringing attention to my bare brown skin. I looked drained. My brown eyes looked dull and I looked lifeless. It may not have been obvious to others but I could see it. I had lost my spark. I played around with my black purple hair before deciding to wrap my puff into a sleek high bun.

I chuckled bitterly to myself as I thought back to just a couple months ago. I had changed dramatically. For instance, I looked different. I do embrace my natural beauty. Honestly I do. My skin is so beautiful, however I enjoy the motions of getting ready. I like makeup. I like switching up my look. Now I don't wear a full face, it's never been my style. But I wear the basic concealer, highlighter, a lip combo and maybe falsies and eyeliner if I am feeling fancy. I also enjoy the options of switching up my look with wigs even though I enjoy my natural thick hair. However, what I do not appreciate is  being restricted. And that's what being in a relationship has done to me.

I can only describe my boyfriend as insecure. That's the best way to describe his controlling self. He is insecure. He believes I am cheating so he's controlling. He doesn't like the fact that I wear makeup because he believes that I don't need to impress anyone else since I'm with him. He also doesn't like the wigs because he believes it's extra. But if you understand the basis of our relationship then you would get it.

I applied a tiny bit of concealer under my eyes just to brighten it up. My face was basically bare. My thick eyebrows were threaded to perfection and I had clear lipgloss on my plump lips. I sighed. I just want to be able to dress up again. This isn't me, okay, obviously this is me but I know you know what I mean. I'm a glamour girl I like to dress up and look and feel good. I looked down at my outfit which was a plain white baggy t shirt and black ripped jeans paired with my black Timbalands.

I looked at my brand new iPhone 6s with a huge crack in the middle of the screen. The sight alone had ruined my day. I looked at the time on my phone knowing that Jerome would be here soon. I put on my favourite necklace which was a simple gold chain with a pendant which was the shape of the African continent. I loved it so much. Home is where the heart is and being Nigerian, Africa was home and the fact that I had a necklace of the African continent which I could physically keep near my heart made me so happy.