I see an image. It is blurry at first, but it becomes sharper as it gets closer. It's her. The most beautiful thing alive. She just scored a goal, her favorite thing to do. I promised that if she scored, I would be waiting for her to hug her. She ran all the way over to me and jumped into my arms. The crowd cheered, and it was almost like they were cheering for us.
"Tobin," Alex whispered, "Tobin,"
"Tobin! Wake up sleepyhead!"
"Oh, hey Chris." I rubbed my eyes and sat up on the couch. She grabbed my cheeks in her hands and kissed me. Softly, then got rougher. I pushed her off.
"Hey I'm tired," I laughed with a smile. She smiled back, and kissed my jaw. She snaked off my lap and walked back into the kitchen. Weird, she's not usually this affectionate.
A huge pit in my stomach formed. My throat closed up and my breath quickened. For a second I couldn't remember what was a dream and what wasn't. But now, I remember. Alex is dead. I didn't notice I was sobbing until Christen was back in the living room with her arms around me. She didn't say anything. I'm guessing she heard the news.
"Hey, I'm gonna go get groceries, but call me and I'll be home right away. Love you," she said with a kiss.
I laid on the couch once again, just thinking. Remembering that day when she jumped into my arms and hugged me so tight. Was she sad that day? I didn't notice. I never noticed. I was too caught up in my own stupid life, I couldn't have noticed.
I went into my bedroom and grabbed the picture frame from the bottom of my sock drawer. It was the picture of Alex and me in London after we won our gold medals. We were both so happy. No Christen with us, no Servando with us, just two happy people. I cried and watched as my tears dripped onto the glass. I stayed there for a while, just staring at the photo. It was everything to me. She was everything to me.
---
For the next three weeks, not much changed. I didn't leave the house one time. Christen was starting to get angry that I was this upset over Alex.
"You guys weren't even that close." Man, did I want to slap her after that one. But my body was too weak to move. I skipped training, told everyone I had the flu. Some people could see through it. No one really bothered me about it though.
It was a Tuesday, Christen was at training, and I was lounging on the couch per usual. I heard a knock on the door. I got up slowly and opened it, hoping it wasn't someone here to check on me. But there was no one there. Only a package. I picked it up and shuffled back inside. I used our sharpest box cutters to open it.
I was not prepared for what I found. 7 cassette tapes. Each one had two numbers painted on each side, and there were 13 total. 13. I trotted into my room and grabbed Christen's cassette player. I put the first one in and let it play.
Hey. It's me. Alex. Live from your cassette player. Just kidding. By now, I'm long gone. No one really got a thorough explanation as to why I did what I did. These tapes should help. The rules are simple. Listen to all the tapes, then pass them on to the next person. It will make more sense later. If you fail to pass them on, a trusted individual has copies, and the tapes will make it. So, there are many reasons why I did what I did. And if you're listening to this tape, you're one of them.
