The Daughter I Never Had

My Little Swan

After giving Emma her dinner time bottle, I cradled her in my arms as we sat in my bed. Her yawn was so precious and I could see the tiredness in her eyes as she rubbed them. I softly moved her hand, not wanting her to rub her eyes too much, "Is my little princess sleepy?" I cooed as she grabbed my finger, for a little baby she sure had a nice grip. For a moment I felt like she was biologically mine, we had made a connection and she clung to me like I was the one who actually gave birth to her and it melted my heart. I would move the Earth, go to hell and back for this little miracle in my arms and I wanted her to know it. "Emma, mommy promises to love and protect you no matter what. I will never leave your side and I'll be with you for all eternity. I love you my little swan." She looked up at me with those beautiful green eyes and let a smile form, "What? You like when I call you my little swan?" She started waving her arms around, reaching up for me to pull her closer, "I'll take that as a yes." I softly laughed as I held her up to eye level and gave her a kiss. Another yawn escaped her mouth, "Come on sweetie. It's bedtime." I placed her in her crib that was by my bed and tucked her in. "Sweet dreams my love." I gave her another kiss and within a minute, she was out like a light. I sighed happily as I watched her for a moment, sleeping so peacefully, softly snoring. I felt myself beginning to yawn, I was just as tired. I got comfortable under my comforter and took one last look at her before turning off the light and resting my head on my pillow, wishing on a star for the knowledge on how to raise this baby girl laying in a crib next to me. I slept for maybe four hours before being woken up by an agitated cry. I was so startled I almost fell out of my bed, glancing over to see Emma crying. "Come now dear. Sssh. I'm here." I stood over her, rubbing her stomach, attempting to soothe her but it wasn't helping. "Are you hungry? Wet? What sweetie? Please, tell me what you want and I'll do it." I was still rubbing her stomach when she softened her cry but her lip was still trembling as she poked it out at me, about to start crying again. "Let's get you a bottle, maybe that's what's wrong. Is my little swan hungry?" I lifted her up, hoping that she would calm down if I held her. Once downstairs, I put her in the bassinet and warmed a bottle. She was still antsy but she didn't cry while her bottle was warming up. I decided to stay downstairs with her, turning on the tv to have a distraction for her. I read in a book that swaddling her was the best was to keep her comfortable so I did just that. I coddled my little swan in my arms and once I held the bottle up, she instantly opened her mouth. I chuckled, "So you were hungry. Guess I'm getting the hang of this after all. Let's see what's on television." She grabbed my hand, drawing the bottle close to her and I gave my baby girl just what she wanted, she took her time drinking the milk, guess she just wanted to be with me. I flipped through the channels trying to find a random cartoon when I came across some weird show called Scooby Doo, she seemed to like it so I left it on that channel. "We're going to have to find you better cartoons to watch dear." I brushed the little hair she had, out of her face.

Eventually after finishing her bottle, she was knocked out again. I sighed of relief, placing her in the bassinet and stretching across the couch, hoping to get at least two hours of sleep before she wakes up again. She saw something in me and I couldn't pin point what it was, maybe after she gets a bit older, I'll know what it is. I closed my eyes, silence filled the house, that is until someone knocked on the door. I groggily jumped up, glancing at Emma who was still asleep, then looking at my watch to see it was 8am. "Ugh, go away..." I said in a low tone, regretting having to get up. I walked over to the door frowning, wondering who the hell this was interrupting my sleep, only to open the door and see Mary Margaret standing there with a bright smile. I raised my eyebrow, shifting my weight to one side as I leaned against the doorframe, "Yes?" She pulled a bag from behind her back, "Just stopping by to tell you congratulations. You'll make a wonderful mother." She handed it to me and I took it, a dumbfounded expression on my face. She was giving me something, congratulating me. Huh? No one had shown me kindness like this since we've been here. "Oh. Thank you Miss Blanchard. She's asleep right now but I'll bring her by Granny's later and introduce her to everyone then." I slightly smiled, wondering how everyone would react, especially Mary Margaret, her real mother. "Oh wonderful. I can't wait to see the little cutie." And with that, she turned and walked away, telling me to have a good day. I returned the greeting and walked back inside, reaching into the bag and pulling out a stuffed animal, a swan. Weird but I shrugged it off and placed it next to Emma, still hoping she would stay asleep while I fixed us breakfast. Not only did she let me fix our food, I was able to take a shower and get dressed as well, my little swan must've really been tired. I was fixing her diaper bag since she was coming to work with me today when I heard her stir, "Well good morning sleepy head." I picked her up, both of us smiling at each other, "Did you have good dreams?" She just giggled, and then I noticed she was holding onto the stuffed swan. "Oh, you like that huh? Mommy will let you keep it." There was no harm in it, she was an infant, she didn't know the truth like I did and I wasn't planning on telling her. She tried biting it's beak and I pushed it down from her mouth, "No sweetie, we don't eat stuffed animals. Come on, let's eat and get to work." I fed her while I ate my two pieces of toast that had egg and ham in between them. I've learned I have to make stuff that I can eat with one hand when I'm with Emma, babies aren't going to allow you to sit and eat a meal. After she burped, I grabbed her diaper bag and my briefcase, locked up the house and headed to work, where I'm sure Emma would get plenty of attention.