Soft Yellow Petals

5

Kyung's hair was still damp from the shower, and his face looked soft and dewy from the moisture. Having pulled an oversized white hoodie and joggers on, he looked just as much a mess as Jiho. Legs crossed, the two sat on opposite sides of Kyung's bed.

"You gonna say something? Or just keep staring at the floor?"

"I don't know what you expect me to say, Kyung. I don't have anything to say." But he did, and it was painfully obvious. Sighing, Kyung ran a hand through his bangs.

"Jiho, we need to talk about your Hanahaki, before it lands you in the hospital. Before we take any action, I just gotta know what's going on."

Jiho continued to stare at the floor, biting his lower lip and chewing slightly. He still wasn't ready for this conversation and he wasn't sure that he ever would be. Even though he had decided they needed to have this talk now, that he had to confess, his mind was drawing up blanks instead of words.

"I'm not ready for this talk, Kyung. I...can we please talk about this another time?"

"No." Kyung's eyes were searching Jiho's face, and he pulled himself closer to his friend. His hand slid carefully over Jiho's, his expression soft and full of worry. No...he couldn't take that look, not full of concern and hurt. Although he knew it came from a place of love, it wasn't the type of love he was looking for, the kind that he needed from Kyung to make this all go away.

"Jiho, this...this isn't about a girl, is it? Please be honest with me, you know I'm not going to judge you. No one in the group would think twice of you." He pulled his hand back, allowing Jiho more space.

"No...it's not." Eyes turning back to the floor, Jiho repressed a cough. He knew he couldn't stop the petals from falling from his lips, and he wondered why even bother trying to stop himself. Sputtering, a flash of yellow escaped Jiho before he felt Kyung's hand on his back.

"Jiho I...I'm really sorry, this is about Jaehyo, isn't it? This all started once I started seeing him quietly and didn't bother to consider how it would make you feel, I noticed you started to act strange and-"
"Jaehyo?" Jiho's eyes shot up, locking with Kyung's. Instantly he backed away from his friend, shrugging his hand off his body yet again. "You seriously think that I have feelings for Ahn Jaehyo? How blind can you possibly be?"

Standing and brushing himself off, Jiho locked eyes with Kyung. "Park Kyung, you idiot, it's always been you. Always."

Impulsive actions were something Jiho had been good about suppressing, but suddenly their foreheads were touching, Jiho's hands planted firmly on Kyung's shoulders and lips only a hairs width apart. He was so close, so very very close, yet when Jiho's breath hitched, he felt so distant from his best friend.

No matter close he got physically, Jiho still felt that they were worlds apart.

"Jiho..."
He felt his face burning bright red, all the way up to his ears. "...Forget it."

Mouth slightly ajar, Kyung remained on the bed, stunned. He felt his entire body shake when Jiho slammed the door behind him, and he felt his heart shatter when the first tear fell from his cheek and onto the bed spread.

When had Jiho's feelings for Kyung changed from friendship to love? Maybe it had been when they were still just kids, or perhaps it had been when Jiho had convinced Kyung to join him as a rapping duo. Maybe it hadn't been until after their debut. No matter when it was, the transition had been so subtle that neither of them had noticed until it was too late. By the time Jiho realized what had happened, he already lived in a world where he couldn't imagine life without him by his side.

Kyung couldn't imagine his life without Jiho either. But Jiho being in love with him...he really would have to get the surgery, wouldn't he? But Kyung couldn't stand the thought that he was the reason for his condition. Jiho would more than likely lose memories of their precious lives together...that's what they all said, wasn't it? Not only was the surgery dangerous, but it altered memories as well.

But Kyung and Jiho had never been apart, not for years. Did that mean Jiho would forget all the memories he had of Kyung? Or just the memories of his feelings? Hands grasping at the hem of his sweatshirt, Kyung let his head hang before feeling another tear fall, noticing the soft yellow petals Jiho had left behind on the bed spread.

Jiho's flowers had bloomed for Kyung, yet Kyung could only feel his heart break for the man he called his best friend.

"I can't keep finding you like this, Jiho." Taeil stretched an arm out to the younger man who was sitting on the bathroom floor. Taking his hand, Jiho kept his eyes fixated on the wall.

"Sorry, hyung."

"You told him, didn't you." Taeil kept his hands wrapped around Jiho's, voice careful yet it was clear it was a statement rather than a question.

"I really don't mind if you want to break it off, but are you sure it's what you want?" Sitting on his bed, Jaehyo watched Kyung pace around the small dorm room.

"I...really don't know. You know it's not anything against you. I love you, you know that. But I don't love you like a partner should." Hands tucked into the sleeves of his sweatshirt, Kyung tugged on the fabric with his teeth. "It's just...well, you know, how can I see you when I know I'm the reason Jiho is like this?" He's the reason Jiho is sick, the reason he may have to die on a surgeon's table.

Leaning forwards, Jaehyo sighed. "You know...we all love Jiho. None of us want to see him suffer, but I'm not sure that this will help him...he'll probably think you're doing it out of pity."

Kyung could have easily burned a hole straight through Jaehyo with the venom in his eyes. But that look didn't last long, he was far too concerned, and he knew that Jaehyo was right. Jiho would think that he was only doing it to make him feel better, like it was an obligation of some sort.

To hell with that.