Diary of a Fat Black Girl

Moving On

13th April:

A week has passed since that day. I’ve been spending most of my time out with Natalie and her friends. It’s been really fun but I’m really missing Darius and his jokes. Carl has been trying to explain that we haven’t been doing anything dodgy but Darius just won’t listen. He can’t trust us. I have a feeling he has experience with mistrust so I decided to leave it. I went back home today and it was such a relief to see my mum again. She cooked me some jolof rice and chicken and I actually cried because I was so happy. We had a big barbecue and I got to invite my friends. It felt like it had been ages since we had hung out.

“Are you allowed to invite Darius?” Tiffany asked.

“Yeah but I wouldn’t even if I could.” I replied.

“What are you talking about?” She enquired.

“We broke up a week ago.” I explained. My friends all became instantly sympathetic.

“Come on girls let’s play some music.” I announced whilst getting out my iPod speakers.

I plugged in my iPod and we started to have a mini rave in my room. It was hilarious. We were banging out the afrobeats and old R’n’B tunes that gets everyone gassed. It was so much jokes and I was sad when they all had to go.

I went to drop them all at the bus stop and then I went to the small park near my house. I sat down on a rusty swing and started to cry. I loved this park because no one ever went there so I was always alone. I heard the gate creaking open and I saw Carl standing there.

“Are you following me?” I asked narrowing my eyes. He was basically the cause of all this mess.

“I was just going over to convince Darius again and then I saw you.” He explained and then turned to leave.

“Forget about it.” I called after him. He turned around and fixed me with a confused look.

“Don’t bother trying to convince Darius. There’s no point.” I told him.

“You’re obviously upset that you’re not together. Why are you telling me to stop trying?” He asked.

“He doesn’t want to be with me anymore. There’s nothing you or me can do about it.” I replied getting up. Carl still looked uncertain. I walked to the gate.

“Chin up babes. I’ve been through worse. See ya later.”I told him before walking back to my house.

I walked into my house and into the living room.

”Did your friends have a good time?” My mum asked.

“Yeah it was great. Thanks for doing this mum.” I replied hugging her.

“I heard about you and Darius and I thought you might want some company. If you want to talk, remember I’m always here.” She told me before walking to her room.

I went up to my room and just smiled. I was surrounded by people who loved me and I didn’t need Darius. I haven’t stopped loving him but I’m sure I can get over him.

14th April:

I went to church that day and then I decided to go down Brixton and go around the shops. I saw my old friend Renae coming out of the shop with her mum. Her mum spotted me and smiled.

“Hey Ashley. Ete sen?” (How are you in twi) She asked me.

“Eye (fine) aunty.” I replied.

“How is your mum?” She asked me.

“Oh she’s fine aunty. Should I tell her to call you?” I replied.

“Oh that would be nice. Thank you Ashley.” She said whilst giving me her number.