dear evan hansen but evan's gay

the first letter

Evan Hansen glanced down at his computer and sighed. This letter just wasn't working out like his Dr. Sherman or even his mom wanted it to. How could he write something positive when everything had been so negative? How could he make today a good day when he couldn't even order food on his own?
"Dear Evan Hansen," he read aloud. "Today is gonna be an amazing day and, uh, here's why. Because today, um... Today, no matter what, all you have to do is be yourself! But also confident, that's important, and, like, interesting and easy to talk to and approachable but mostly just be yourself, like, that's number one is to be true to yourself." He wanted to slap himself, but instead, he continued to write. He wrote about not worrying so much. Then he had a flashback to the night of the jazz band concert when he saw Connor Murphy afterwards and was gonna talk to him about how his sister was good and stuff, and he was gonna totally get Connor to like him back after all these years, but he didn't end up saying anything to him at all because he was worried his hands were sweaty, but they weren't, and him worrying about them being sweaty just made them sweaty, so he put them under the hand dryer in the bathroom, but they were still sweaty, just very warm now as well. So the letter turned into talking about not worrying about his hands being sweaty.
   That's when his mom, Heidi Hansen, walked in. She had a bill in her hand and a concerned look on her face. "So... you just decided not to eat last night?" she asked. She had been gone most nights due to her job and school, so she'd been leaving money for Evan to get his own food. Apparently that wasn't working out.
   "I... I wasn't hungry," Evan muttered. His mom sighed. "You have to eat, Evan. You can do it all online now so you don't have to talk to anybody." She hoped this would win him over.
   But Evan had a comeback. "You see, that's not entirely true because you have to answer them at the door and they have to count change, so you're just standing there while they count the change." His volume got increasingly lower as he spoke.
   "That's what you're supposed to be doing in your appointments with Dr. Sherman. Interacting with people, not running away from them. Have you been writing those letters Dr. Sherman told you to do?"
   Evan nodded. "I started one. I'll print it at school."
   "Those letters are important, dear, they're going to help you build your confidence! Seize the day, huh?" his mom smiled. "Oh, I know! You can go around and ask the other kids to sign your cast. Can you do that?"
   Evan looked down at the white lump that covered his forearm. He knew how that would work out, and he felt extremely uncomfortable just thinking about it, but he just smiled and said, "Sure."
   Heidi beamed. "I'm proud of you already."
   "Oh... Good?"
   As Evan gathered his things to go to school, he got to thinking about the letters. Maybe they would help him through the year. If he manned up and got the guts to talk to Connor Murphy this year, it would all be worth it. Things wouldn't be so bad anymore.
   "Oh, Evan. One more thing!" Heidi called as he walked out the door. "You have another appointment after school with Dr. Sherman. I'll pick you up, okay?"
   "But I have an appointment next week!"
   "I think you could use the extra help."
   Evan just sighed and shrugged as he slung his backpack over his shoulder and slouched off to school. Heidi watched as he walked away and wondered if any other parent knew what it was like to feel this distant to their child.

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   Meanwhile, in a much wealthier household not far from the Hansens, the Murphy family was getting ready for that day. Larry and Cynthia, the lively parents, rushed to get ready for work while Connor and Zoe, their children, prepared themselves for school. Cynthia had made a hearty breakfast of cereal, and the rest of the family was gathered around the table to eat. Except Connor. He looked a little out of it and had his head on the table.
   Cynthia looked at her son and sighed. "It's your senior year, Connor, you are not missing the first day."
   Connor groaned. "I already said I'd go tomorrow."
   Zoe looked at her brother with distaste. "He's probably high."
   "Fuck you!" yelled Connor. Cynthia jumped as Zoe replied similarly. "I do not need you yelling at your brother, that is not constructive," she scolded.
   Zoe, having had this conversation, rolled her eyes. "You have got to be kidding me." Cynthia, usually a loving and careful woman, nodded. "Besides, he's not high. Right, Connor?"
   When Connor heard this, he picked up his hand and looked blatantly ahead. His eyes were red. His mother gasped in exasperation and frustration. "Are you high?! I don't want you going to school high, Connor!" Grabbing his backpack off the floor, Connor stood up. "Great, so then I won't go. Thanks, Mom!"
   Cynthia stuffed her head in her hands, thinking about where she went wrong. What had turned Connor this way? A few minutes later, Zoe finished her cereal and went to leave herself. "If Connor's not ready, I'm leaving without him," she called. As her two children walked out the door, Cynthia look upon them and wondered the same thing Heidi Hansen had wondered a few moments before.

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Okay that was weird and kind of awful. But that's what to kinda expect? It'll get MUCH MUCH gayer, trust me. I'll upload at least once a week. And um. Yeah.