dear evan hansen but evan's gay

the computer lab/the second letter

   By the end of the day, Evan was tired and just wanted to hide in his bedroom at home. But, unfortunately, that wasn't going to happen. He had that appointment with Dr. Sherman that his mom had scheduled after school, and he still had to write a letter for it. And that's how he ended up in the computer lab during his free period.
   Usually, he would be excited about his free period. He made Jared hack into the school's system to find out when Connor Murphy had planned his free period, and Evan made sure he put his own at the same time. But after the altercation in the hallway, Evan wasn't so sure he wanted to bump into Connor. It's not that he was afraid of him, no. How could you be afraid of someone you'd grown up around and loved your whole life? Connor had probably just had a bad morning. Evan didn't want Connor to see him and get upset. Again. Making Connor upset would break his heart into a billion pieces.
   As Evan walked into the computer lab, he got a call from his mom, and since no one else was inside the lab, he answered. She went straight to business. "Hey honey, I know I'm supposed to pick you up for your appointment, but I'm stuck at work. Erica called with the flu, and I was the only other nurse's aid on today, so I volunteered. Also, go ahead and eat without me because I won't be home until late tonight, I'm going straight from here to class. We have those Trader Joe's dumplings in the freezer," she explained. Evan just replied with a weak, "Maybe."
   "Hey did you write one of those letters yet? Dr. Sherman's expecting you to have one. 'Dear Evan Hansen, today's going to be a good day and here's why'?" she asked. Evan knew his mother just wanted to make sure he was alright and doing his best and well-prepared, but he just couldn't see how these stupid letters were going to help. But he would write one, for her. "Yeah, I finished it, I'm, um, in the computer lab right now printing it out," he reassured.
   "Was it a good day, honey?"
   Now that got Evan thinking. Was it a good day? Or was it just an okay or fine day? A mediocre day? Or was it a bad day? An amazing, fantastic day?
   "It was. Yeah. It was great."
Heidi's voice got considerably lighter, like she was relieved. "Great! Oh, great. I hope it's the beginning of a great year. I think we both could use one of those." Evan was about to say he hoped so, too when Heidi all of a sudden had to leave. And then it was just him.
   He sat at the first seat he came upon and pulled up Word on the computer. But the words he wrote were all wrong. They weren't the words he was supposed to write because if he wrote those words, he would be lying to himself. And he was done with that. Instead, he wrote the truth. His heart was stretched out on the page, right there before him. He was already so stressed and hurt and lonely, and it was only day one. He was drowning in syllabuses and college preparation. His mind physically hurt. It showed, for he was typing as fast as he could blink. How was this you're going to be a good one if he could barely even get past day one? All the things he ever wanted to say were right there.

   "Dear Evan Hansen,
   Turns out today was not and amazing day after all. This isn't going to be an amazing week or an amazing year because why would it be? Oh, I know, because there's Zoe, and all my hope is pinned on Zoe who I don't even know and who doesn't know me. I wish I knew her because if I did, she could help make every dream I have come true. Maybe if I did, maybe if I could just talk to her, then maybe things would be different. Or maybe nothing would be different at all. I wish everything was different. I wish I was a part of something. I wish anything I said mattered to anyone. I mean, basic, would anybody even notice if I just disappear tomorrow?"
           Sincerely, your local gay,
            Me."
  
   It was all off his chest now. Everything he had typed, he meant. W was exactly sure why he mentioned silly. That part was still true, even if he barely knew why. It was definitely easy to talk to Zoe then it was to Connor. If he became friends with her, she could introduce him to Connor. She seems like a really great person to be friends with anyways. There was just something about her vibrant personality that made you want to hang out with her. But Evan was Evan, and that wasn't going to happen.
   As soon as he hit print, and realized he didn't regret writing any of it. All of his hopes, fears, and struggles were on that page, even if it wasn't very long, and he knew it, and he was OK with it. And suddenly, he felt... at peace. Until he noticed he wasn't alone in the computer lab anymore.
   "So," Connor started, reluctantly walking towards Evan from across the room. "WhT happened to your arm?"
   Evan jumped. He was afraid Connor was angry with him. He'd found him, and now he was going to yell at him again. But when he looked up at Connor, there was no anger in his face. Instead, he looked apologetic. It took a second for him to gather his thoughts before answering, "Oh, I just, um- I fell out of a tree, actually." He refused to make eye contact and just stared at his feet.
   "You fell out of a tree?" Connor confirmed. Evan nodded. "Y-yeah."
   "Well, isn't that just the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard," Connor said lightheartedly. And then he laughed. It was like music to Evan's ears. He didn't remember the last time he had heard Connor laugh. He laughed with him. Just for that split second, it was just them. Then it was silence.
   Connor, again, stepped up and initiated the conversation. "No one's signed your cast," he said, gesturing towards the lump on Evan's forearm. Evan blushed. "Oh, I know."
   "Well, I'll sigh it."
   At that, Evan finally looked up at Connor as his face turned even brighter red. Miracles do happen. But two in one day? Someone must have been watching over him. But Evan was awkward and didn't know how to accept this, so he stuttered, "Oh, you don't have to." He was wringing his sweaty hands together at this point. Connor just shook his head. "Do you have a Sharpie?"
   Evan took out the Sharpie from his pocket that he'd been waiting to use all day and hadn't even touched once, and he handed it to Connor. Connor took the fine point marker and grabbed Evan's arm. "Ow." And then Connor did something Evan never expected. He signed the whole cast. His name was in all-caps across Evan's entire forearm in huge, bold, Sharpie-scented letters. Evan just gasped at it. "Oh, great, thanks," he stammered in shock. "Yeah, well, now we can both pretend we have friends," Connor stated.
   "It's good... That's a good point," Evan muttered as he began to walk away. Before he could get very far, Connor called, "Hey, um, is this yours? I found it on the printer, it's um, 'Dear Evan Hansen,' that's your name, right?" Evan's letter was in Connor's hands.
   Evan had a moment of panic. Connor Murphy was holding his weird therapy letter. Oh, God, it mentioned his sister. It had almost mentioned him! What if he had read it? Oh, if he read it, Evan's life would be over. "Oh, yeah, that's just a stupid, um, it's just a stupid thing I have to write so, um, it's for an assignment," Evan said quickly, reaching for the letter. But Connor had already begun to read. A wrinkle formed in his brow, and Evan prepared for judgement.
   "'Because there's Zoe'?" he read, a shocked look on his face. "Uh, is this about my sister?" Evan's eyes widened as he reached for the letter, but Connor kept it out of his reach. "No!"
   Connor's face turned from confused to hurt as an idea dawned on him. "You wrote this because you knew I would find it, right?" His voice sounded as if he had just found out his puppy died. It was raw and weak.
  "What?" Evan asked, completely lost and confused.
   "Yeah, um, you saw I was the only other person in the computer lab, so you printed this out so I would find it," Connor explained with a defeated chuckle.
   Evan wanted so badly to explain, he really did. But he couldn't find a way. "Why would I do that?" he asked, shaking his head. This day was only getting worse.
   "So I could read some creepy shit you wrote about my sister and freak out, right?" Connor yelled hysterically. "And then you could tell everybody that I'm crazy. Right? Fuck you!" Connor totally ignored Evan's protests and explanations. He stormed out, still holding Evan's letter in one of his hands. Evan started to run out after him, calling, "No, no, I really need that back, so if you could just please give me, please just give me it back!" But Connor was already racing down the hallway, his free hand wiping angry tears from his face and eyes.

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   Three days later, Evan decided that he had to talk to someone about what had happened in the computer lab earlier that week. Someone who wasn't Dr. Sherman. So he called Jared straight away and told him about the whole ordeal.
   "A letter to yourself? What the crap does that even mean? Is that, like, some kind of sex thing?" Jared asked, obviously judging Evan. "No, no, it was not a sex thing, it was an assignment!" Evan clarified.
   "Why are you talking to me about this?"
   "Well, I didn't know who else to talk to, you're my only fr- Family friend. I just don't know what to do, he stole the letter from me three days ago, and then he just... He hasn't been at school since."
   Jared sounded a bit worried or as if he could care less. Evan didn't know which. "That does not bode well for you."
   "What's he gonna do?"
   Now Jared was exasperated. "Who knows, Connor Murphy is batshit out of his mind! Remember when he threw a printer at Mrs. G in second grade because he didn't get to be the line leader that day? I don't even know why you like him, dude, he's fucked."
   "Do you think he's gonna show the letter to other people?"
   "He's gonna ruin your life with it! For sure. I mean, I would. And now everyone is gonna know you're queer as hell!"
   As Evan laid in bed that night, he wondered why this was happening to him. He still loved Connor nonetheless, but it was hard to see him like this. He wished he could explain or help him. But as he drifted off, thoughts of Connor Murphy left his mind.

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I'm sorry that took so long omg. So basically, this is where we get a little bit off track from exact quotes and the storyline to make it gay. And I may or may not be doing something completely out of the blue to make it gay. Idk. 😂 Well, hope you enjoyed!!