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Story Ideas, Reviews and Edits [on hold]

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My mind is like Pinterest, I have a whole catalogue for ideas XD But, being the lazy bum I am, I have decided to give you guys my ideas, because they just aren't meant for me to write. Take em, but give me credit, or else... *THREATS* I also do revi...

#badboy #help #ibelieveinyou #ideas #lazy #nonotreally #sass #yolo

Review- R01Y10

30 4 22

by Kamera_Chance

by Kamera_Chance

Review for @Chrysbliss

Year 10

'~'~'~'

[I actually decided to do the whole book (10 chapters) because I had already read the first few before.]

•] The introduction was quirky, but the paragraphs didn't connect a lot. They all did connect; but not as much as it should have been, but that is okay.

•] In the first chapter, a few dialogues were represented by hyphens, e.g:

-Merliah is not a mermaid

You get the idea. Well, that can be off-putting for the reader, because they'd have to read it a lot of times to understand what it was. And, that was only there for the first chapter, which was... sort of weird.

•] One thing I noticed: in many chapters, it was a bit difficult to understand who was saying what; because a lot of things were like "He said" and there'd be two males, so you should work on that.

•] A terrible thing was there, which could ruin your future and your dog's life: Comma Splicing. When you join two independent clauses using a comma, it's called comma splicing. AKA: Comma overload.

You should use more punctuation, and I don't mean exclamatory marks or something. You should use more of semi-colons (;), colons (:), hyphens, etc.

•] In the last chapter, conflicts in Merliah's head were perfect. Every human has thoughts like these, and I'm very happy that Merliah is not a Mary Sue with no emotions.

•] Also, I love how there is foreshadowing about Tracy and the others! Your character building skills are epic!

•]Like I said, the characters are very distinguished and are very well built, you totally rock this quota!

Over all view: It was very refreshing, but a little more detail could be added. Work on punctuation, and you are set!

'~'~'~'

Payment: Say hello ... lol >o<

Thank you for requesting!

EDIT: Chrysbliss I am so sorry, I published an earlier version, and the last two points weren't there, omg I feel awful, because I saved the best for the last and it wasn't there and the review seemed so negative and harsh I am so sorry I can't believe I did that!!! i-i

Kamera Out!