Drowning

o n e

Every day I wake up. My head hurt. My whole body aches. I am in so much pain.

What had I been doing the night before? I honestly don't understand why I am in this much pain every time I open my eyes. I know I needed to get up, but I don't have the energy to do so. I always seem to use my hands to push myself off the bed because otherwise, I wouldn't moved.

I usually manage to get down the stairs without toppling over my own two feet. This always seems to be a huge achievement in my eyes.

I open the cupboard, grab my meds, and pour them into my mouth. In total, I take 2 lithium pills and some type of anti-depressants, as well as my usually vitamin tablets.

I do my usually 6 am routine. Meds. Breakfast. Showers. Dress. Then work. I have to make sure I am out the door by 7 am.

Driving to work can either be longer than a foot lenght subway or it can pretty quick. It's a drive from Jac's house to work. We get to drive through the countryside, a very rare view if you work in the city.

This happens 5 times a week.

❂

When I am at work, I rarely get to see the outside world or interact with it; 4 days at work, 2 days off. However, I am a lover of work, so it's not too bad, especially if Doctor Valentine is in.
If you asked me to sum up Oliver Valentine in three words, I guarantee you I couldn't. His hot looks and blue eyes draw you in.

I have been on Darwin for 2 months, 5 weeks and 2 days, its not like I am counting or anything. But, that's how long I have liked him for.

I don't think he would want a freak like me though. Because I am a freak. Everyone calls me freak.

Since primary school, right up until adulthood, people bully me for being different. They would just go, "Zosia you are a freak." I hated it and mostly would go off crying.

They didn't understand, so Ollie wouldn't understand. And this is because I have bipolar.

My mood can change in a flash or I can have a major mood swing.

Bipolar.

Sometimes I can feel mania which cause me to be very high and overactive.

Bipolar.

I struggle to stay under control and keeping my emotions inside.

Bipolar.

Ollie would never understand what its like to get up everyone morning feeling like you can't live your life like a normal person.

I just know I am forever going to be on my own, living in a small flat with more than likely a cat. I just want someone to love me, well Ollie to be exact.