candyfloss ; phan

1.9

   I read the message over and over but it still didn't make sense. What did he mean? I finished getting ready nonetheless, and grab my keys. My mom looks at me, which makes me remember the events that occurred last night. I actually can't remember everything except for that my mother cheated on my father, and that I was close to ending it all but I didn't. Because of Dan.

    I raced out the door, not wanting to be in that house of betrayal any longer than I have to. I get to school as soon as possible. Just wanting to get out. I get out of my car and start walking to my meeting spot. I guess it was obvious that I was upset, because Ashley wanted to talk to me in private.
  
"are you okay phil? I've never seen you like this. I'm worried." I look down, wondering if I really want to tell her the truth. I know I trust her, but I guess.... I don't know. "I had a hard night I guess, but I'm fine. I can stick it up." I look up to her, and she has pleading eyes. "I'm here for anything and everything, you can trust me. Call me at 12 am if you want. I'm here all the time. I don't want you hurting. Nobody deserves to feel alone." she hugs me and she buries her face in the crook of my neck. I hug back, actually feeling happy for the first time today. "thank you...that means the world to me. More than you know." she hugs me harder and I feel tears on my shirt.
  
    I lift her head and maybe her look me in the eyes. "Ash... Are you crying?" she looks at the ground as she nods. I feel a tear trickle down  my face. I pull her back into a hug and I guess we both needed this. A hug. Just a moment to be real with someone.

   I hear the bell ring and we both just look at eachother. We begin walking to class, not talking. It wasn't an awkward silence either. We were there, walking, enjoying each other's presence. Once we get to art, Ashley talks for the first time since our little heart to heart. "so, do you want to come to mine tonight if fit would like? You know, to work on the project." I smile and reply, "that sounds great. Meet you after school at the doors?" she nods and smiles. I doubt think I've ever seen a smile that bright.

    I look over to see Dan with bags under his eyes again. I wonder if he ever sleeps. The bell rings and we begin working right away. And by working, I mean talking the whole class once again. I mean, I am going over to her flat to work on the project, so why do It now?

    I keep seeing Dan eye me for some reason. It appears that his project is already finished, I can see the painting. But as you would usually picture a sunset, his painting was the exact opposite. The earth was full of color but once the sunset touched the land, it consumed everything with darkness. Deep.

--

    Ring!

    The last bell of the day had finally rung and it was time to go to ashley's flat. The butterflies were consuming my stomach and I felt as if I were going to throw up. If it weren't obvious, I have a huge crush on her. I mean, how can you not? Shes perfect. Her personality, her smile...

    I walk over the three front of the doors where we agreed to meet, trying to hold down my lunch. I lay back against the wall, trying to look as cool as possible. I decide to pull my phone out while Im waiting.

phil:
hello

Ding!

   I look around, kind of confused. Then I realize that Dan is across from me, looking at his phone as well. Hmm. I wonder what he's doing. He intrigues me.

dan:
hi

    I look up and he's typing, as it seems. What the hell?

phil:
can I ask you a question

dan:
depends on what it is

phil:
what's your last name

   As soon as I hit send, ash walks up to me and smiles. " Hey, you ready to go?" I nod. "I'll give you the address and I can meet you there?" I smile. "sure, just text it to me." she gets out her phone and sends me the address. "see you there." she says, and I go red as I walk to my car.

What could happen?

Should I be worried?

    I shrug it off when I get in the car. Wish me luck, I say to myself.

     I pull up at what I believe is to be her house. Don't screw this up, Phil. I get out, swallow my pride, and knock on the door. It takes about 15 seconds for an answer. The door opens to reveal a perfect as always, ashley. She Smiles so bright that it could light up the whole world. She pulls me into a huge bear hug. She's warm and smells like flowers. I look over to the house next to her to find that theres some screamo music playing loudly. A song I would listen to.

    I look down at ashley, us still hugging. "Who lives There?" I say, and she lifts her head, still holding on to my waist. "oh did I forget to tell you? That's Dan's house! We often wave to eachother while leaving for school." I look at her with wide eyes. What? "Wow, really?" she nods, letting go of me. "yeah. Every time I see him, it looks like he's on his phone texting someone. I don't know." what. The. Actual. Fuck. She sighs. "well let's go inside, yeah?" She grabs my hand and pulls me in the front door. She turns to me. "my parents are away on vacation. That's fine, right?"

    "yea, sure! Why wouldnt it be?" I say while smiling like an idiot. She blushes. "let's go to my room and get started." she brings me upstairs to her bedroom, which is probably every single female 16 year olds dream room. A makeup stand, walk in closet, and a coffee station. "wow, you've got quite a room here!" she blushes again and shrugs. She tells me to sit down so we can start.

Ding!

    That was my phone. Thanks for ringing at the exact wrong time. "I'm so sorry" I say while getting my phone out of my pocket. Whaddaya know. It's a message from Dan.

dan:
why do you need to know

phil:
because

dan:
fine

dan:
its Howell

Howell.

Dan.

It was him.

The whole time.

The person I told my secret to.

The person who saved me.

He knew.

I'm screwed.

    My breathing slows and everything starts becoming blurry. I hear ashley asking me what's wrong but she sounds so distant. I could only think of one thing. One thing that could ruin my life. Dan Howell knew about how much of a baby I am. He knew my mom had an affair and could easily use that against me. He could be the one to make me move schools. Again. As soon as I'm about to have a full on panic attack, I'm snapped out of it when I feel something.

Lips.