the beautiful and the profound {joshler}

Vagary

🌱🌷🌱
(n.) an unpredictable instance, a wandering journey; a whimsical, wild or unusual idea, desire or action.

Josh was having that dream again, the one where Tyler was his boyfriend and not just some pathetic crush. 

🌱🌷🌱

Josh was having the dream again.

The one where everything feels like it's floating, like it's made of foam, spongey and soft and everything is always just a little out of reach. Every step springs him forward like he's walking on the moon and yet he's stuck inside this janitor's closet and he knows that he's at school, something in him instinctively just knows there's a hallway full of students just on the other side of the secretly-spongey wood.

But before he can grab the handle the door is opening right through him and someone is stepping forward and spinning him around, making his stomach tingle and bubble. He feels nervous as soft lifts press firmly into his and something in his head tells him he's in love with this person, something also tells him this is his boyfriend and he's not surprised when they pull away. When he sees Tyler Joseph's lashes brush his cheeks like butterfly wings as he blinks in slow-motion and everything feels pink and mushy and like cotton candy.

"I love you." He says in a gravelly voice pressing his lips to Josh's again over and over and over again and Josh feels it all, like it's real, it's really happening.

But then Josh isn't floating anymore as Tyler's grip slips from his waist. His feet plant firmly in long grass and the sky overhead is grey with thick clouds but the rain isn't on him, he doesn't feel wet at all but he sees it beating down at the field he's standing alone in, with no mercy.

The earth turns and he feels it, the whole ground turning and he tries to cling on turning the dirt into thick clumps that fly off. Feeling dizzy as he lies down and wills the grey spinning sky to stop. Out of nowhere he slips, skids down until he's falling right off the edge of the world, he doesn't even have time to scream.

He wakes with a start, covered in sweat and upside down. His head is dangling off the edge of the bed, his legs tangled in the bed sheets just enough to stop him falling completely. His alarm blares and it makes him flinch, freeing his limbs just enough to crash his head onto the floor with a groan.

His sister stands, arms folded in his door way, staring at the way his chin is squished into his chest and his head is turning an ugly shade of purple with the influx of blood.

"You're picking Jesse up on your way to school." She says, a fact not a question, rolling her eyes and walking away with a scoff.

Josh glares after her before he manages to kick his legs enough to lie flat. He lies there for a minute, trying not to still feel like the world in spinning as the blood in his head filters back into his legs. He ignores the way his foot spasms with pins and needles as he tries to pretend like he can't still feel the pressure of Tyler's chest on his own, his slim fingers biting into his hips, the movement of his lips onto Josh's.

Sluggishly he forces himself up off the floor and into the bathroom, not even apologising as he gets in Ashley's way trying to brush his teeth where she's doing her make up over the sink.

"You're never gonna get away with that." Josh scoffs around his toothbrush, spitting a bit of toothpaste onto the mirror. Ashley gives him a look of disgust but doesn't say anything putting more mascara on her lashes. "Also I'm not picking up Jesse, his house is the wrong direction and I said I'd take Colin."