Wait For It | a Hamilton fanfiction | wattys 2017

Chapter 64

"It's hard to talk about," Lana says, quietly.

"Lana, I understand more than you could ever know if you don't want to talk about it, but if you ever do, just know that I'm... no... all of us are here for you," Pippa says, placing her hand on Lana's shoulder.

"I just... Can you promise to not tell anybody?" she asks. "I don't really want it getting out."

"Of course. Sisterhood always comes first," Kaitlyn promises.

"Okay... Here's the thing. I've actually known James for a really long time. We... Well, we used to date. It was fine at first, but then, it started getting weird. He... A few months before the tour... He started striking me. It wasn't just occasional, either. He hit me every day, sometimes even more than once. I felt like his slave. I wasn't allowed to think, talk, or act for myself. If I did, he would just strike me harder."

Tears begin to form in Lana's eyes.

"I didn't do anything about it... I didn't know how. I should've broken up with him long before I did. We finally broke up a few weeks after we started shows. I thought that he was out of my life forever. I just..." Lana rubs her eyes, "I thought that I could move on and get over his abuse, but I just can't seem to escape him."

"Oh my gosh, Lana. I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry," Jazzy says.

"I'm proud of you Lana. I know that wasn't easy," Jessa comforts her friend. "We are all here for you, always."

"Thanks guys," Lana replies, wiping a tear off of her cheek.

"We can do our best to keep the two of you apart when you're offstage, if it would make anything better," Carleigh offers.

"That would be actually amazing," Lana thanks Carleigh. "I love you guys."

Jazzy can't help but notice that Pippa has been oddly quiet since Lana finished her story, and she looks pale and dazed.

"Are you alright?" she whispers. Pippa shakes her head no.

"Are you thinking about-"

"Yeah," Pippa admits, cutting her off. "It still hurts Jazzy. I really thought that he was the one."

"Shhh, I know," Jazzy says, pulling Pippa into a hug.

"I feel like I should open up, since Lana was able to. I don't know... I just feel like if she was that brave, then I should be able to, too, but I just don't know if I can."

"Don't worry Pippa. If you want to, we are here, and you know that, but if you don't feel ready, then that's okay. Everyone handles a situation like this differently, and it takes everyone a different amount of time to be able to be open about it. Do you think that you would feel better if you said something?"

"That's just it! Jazzy, I don't know."

"Well, what did you feel like when you told me?"

"Scary."

"Is that all?"

"No. It felt nice. It felt like a huge weight was being lifted off of my chest."

"Well, it's a choice that's up to you to make. I can't decide for you."

"I- I think I'm ready," Pippa admits.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes... No. But, I have to face my fears. It's the only way I will ever be able to get over it."

"I'm here to help you, Pip," Jazzy tells her friend, and then, Pippa speaks.

"Lana, I... I know what it's like. I've been there before," Pippa says, quietly. "I wouldn't wish that feeling upon my worst enemy, much less my sister."

"Pippa, what?" Lana asks.

"When I was in college, I dated this guy, and it was really serious, until it got to be too much. He- he seemed to be too attached to me. Not even me, particularly, but my... well, he wanted my body. Not only that, but he thought that he could get fame and money off of me. I don't know why I put up with it as long as I did, but he did all that he could to make me feel special... like I was worth something, just so that he could keep using me. It got harder and harder to get rid of him, and it went on for a year and a half until I finally worked up the courage to walk away. I never told anybody in the world, until a few weeks ago, when I told Jazzy, but now, I guess I'm telling you, Lana. Trust me, I know how much it sucks, but maybe we can help each other. We can get through this, together."

Both of them are crying by the time that Pippa is done talking, and most of the other girls are tearing up too.

Lana and Pippa share a hug, and the room is silent.

"Pippa, I had no idea," Kaitlyn breathes, after a moment.

"You both deserve so much better," Jessa agrees. "You both do."

The silence falls over the room again, but it's not an awkward silence. It's a silence that feels right. Everyone is lost, deep in thought, and then, as if a signal is sent to all of them, they all look up at one another, and hug each other.

"Pippa, I think that maybe you and I can get along better than I ever imagined," Lana says. Pippa nods.

"I really hope that we can. I'm sorry if I may have been unaccepting at first."

"And I'm sorry if I may have been hard to deal with and unwilling of criticism. I- I'll try harder."

After that, everyone splits apart to walk back to the hotel. Pippa and Jazzy are walking together. The cool night air is nipping at their cheeks, and is turning Pippa's nose red. It smells of rain, as a storm passed through while everyone was hanging out at the theater, but nobody even noticed.

Jazzy and Pippa are giggling as they are dodging the puddles on the sidewalk. Jazzy makes fun of Pippa as she accidentally steps in one.

"Now my shoes are all wet!" Pippa complains, and Jazzy can hear the squish every time that Pippa's left foot takes a step. "It's making me even colder!"

As soon as they get back, both girls change into warm pajamas and both climb under the blankets in Jazzy's bed, hoping to get body heat off of each other.

"You know something Pippa?"

"What?"

"I'm impressed about what you did today. I don't think that I ever would've been able to work up that courage. I know that it was hard enough for you to talk about, even with me, much less with Lana."

"Thanks Jazzy. That means a lot to me." Pippa pauses. "I love you Jazzy."

"I love you too, Pip."

Pippa yawns, and snuggles deeper into Jazzy's bed, not intending on moving anytime soon.

"Goodnight Jazzy."

"Goodnight."

~~~~~~

well this is considerably darker than the previous chapters whoops actually this was abby not me for once