Insecure

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The Delta Gamma house was Riele's home away from home. 

It wasn't perfect and the girls had their fair share of drama like any other sorority, but she loved them all the same. She knew that she could rely on her best friend China if she was ever going through something. 

In her case, home meant Canada with her Mom and her sister. Some days her heart ached for Toronto. It hurt that she was missing out on seeing everyone grow up and transition into adulthood, much like she was doing. She missed sitting on the edge of her mother's bed at night and spilling all of her problems, her hopes, and her fears to her attentive ears. Or the way she and Reiya would attend local charity events, book photoshoots together and be practically inseparable. Riele always cherished the close bond that she shared with her family. 

At least she had the memories, she thought.  

It was warm outside, the blue skies were clear and Riele was feeling refreshed from her cucumber and melon bubble bath. There was something about cucumber and melon that cleared her thoughts. The mixture rejuvenated and revitalized her, a treatment she needed now more than ever.  

After she was done saturating leave-in conditioner in her curly roots, she grabbed her white fleece robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door and tip toed across the cold tile floor, making her way back to her bedroom. 


Similarly to other aspects of her life, Riele's bedroom was neat and tidy

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Similarly to other aspects of her life, Riele's bedroom was neat and tidy. A beautifully made bed, a cleaned off workspace, and a fashionably appealing closet. She'd like for her personal space to reflect how organized of a person she was. Although lately, some of her ideas and thoughts have gone blurry. But that's what cucumber melon bubble baths are for. 

She tied her robe tight so it wouldn't drape off her shoulders and bent down in her storage bench, grabbing her diary. The curly head Delta Gamma plopped down on her bed spread and flipped to the next blank page.

October 17th, 2020

"I saw Jace yesterday. He's back at UCLA after a year hiatus to find himself. Now he's a pledged member of SAE. I don't even know what his motivations are for joining. It's not like he likes fraternities. He's probably in it for the networking opportunities. It seems as though SAE recruits talented actors and musicians, including singers. 

After catching up with each other, we went to his room and he taught me how to roll a joint. I smoked weed for the first time in my life. It was actually quite mind numbingly peaceful and it helped me cope with my reeling thoughts. Then, we did something that I definitely would have second guessed if I was sober.. 

I always thought I'd wait until marriage or after I graduated college. I wanted to plan my honeymoon out from the music we made love to, down to my lingerie. But it didn't happen that way, and it makes me somewhat sad that I missed out on that opportunity to make my first time special for me. I remember it vividly, though. The butterflies in my stomach, the sparks, the sexual sighs. All from me by the way. He's more of a groaner. It wasn't perfect and there were times where I could have moved my hips more and Jace could have given me a lot more breathing room, but I suppose that it was "special" in it's own kind of way. 

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