Miss you

Day 3

Arthur’s POV

Day 3

Today I thought I saw you. I thought I saw you cleaning my armour but I looked back to realise it wasn’t you at all. It was someone else. I thought I would begin to realise that I’m never going to see you again but I still can’t. I still can’t really face the truth of what is going on. Today is the third day you have been gone, that you have been dead and I think I’m beginning to miss you even more if that is even possible to do.

What do you think idiot? Do you think I’m being a complete prat and need to stop being like this. I can just imagine your face now looking at me and laughing because I’m writing a diary. What man writes a diary right? I just can’t care though you got that idiot. You better understand that.

When I noticed it wasn’t you I got angry. I shouted at the servant and told him to leave. He did what I asked. I’m king after all. I feel slightly bad but I don’t want anyone cleaning my armour. That was your job, no one else’s. Why can’t people see that, see that I don’t want other people doing the jobs you use to do for me. That was something you did and I don’t want other’s coming along and trying to take over. I can’t allow that to happen. No one can take over because I won’t let them. You may be gone Merlin but I still can’t face someone replacing you within my heart.

I still remember when Gwen got arrested all the way back then when I hadn’t realised I really liked her. I remember you coming into the council chamber butting in and saying that Gwen isn’t the sorcerer, I am. I still remember saying how you were lying because you were in love with Gwen. I now realise that you probably wasn’t. You cared about Gwen but you didn’t love her in the way I suggested. You did actually have magic. I do wonder if you had something to do with that object under Gwen’s dad’s pillow though. I guess I will never know because you’re gone and I can’t ask you anymore.

I felt tears building up behind my eyes as my emotions started to get the better of me. I took a deep breath before I tried to not cry and continued to write within my diary.

I mean maybe I should have seen all the signs that you had magic, maybe I shouldn’t have. I found it hard to accept you had magic when I found out but you’re not evil Merlin, the magic you have you only used for good and I know that. That is why I don’t understand why you had to die. You’re so brave, honest, true and kind hearted. Why did someone as good as you, as perfect as you have to die. I mean you’re an idiot but that doesn’t change the fact how perfect the rest of you are is.

I wish I could see you one last time. Spend time with you one last time. To see that cheeky grin or your annoying laugh which I seem to miss. Merlin you created this atmosphere between us all including the knights. With you gone the knights are depressed, Gaius is gone and I can’t help but feel Gwen is grieving too but not opening up to me about it. Maybe it’s because I’m not opening up to her.

I wish you were here Merlin. Everything would be so much easier if you were. I need your advice, your smile, your kindness and understanding. I don’t know how I’m going to get by everyday without that, without you. They say there is a heaven and hell. I know you’re in heaven Merlin. I know you are probably in a better place.

Gaius said you would have peace if I brought magic back to the kingdom. I’m not sure what to do though. I want to make you have peace but I’m afraid that bringing magic back could destroy a lot or hurt a lot of people. I’m worried. If you were here Merlin, if you were here you could help me restore magic to the kingdom but right now I don’t know what to do.

“Arthur,” I heard someone whisper my name. I looked up to find Gwen who had just come into the chamber.

“Hey, are you alright?” I asked her closing my diary.

“I’ve been better,” she said to me.

“What is the matter?” I asked as she stood in front of the table I sat at.

“I miss him,” said Gwen.

“You miss...Merlin,” I managed to say.  Gwen nodded but that was all she could do before I watched the tears stream down her face. I got up and brought her into a hug.

“I do too, I miss him so much to,” I said trying to hold back my own tears that wanted to come.

“I go to Gaius’s chamber in hope I would still find Merlin. With Gaius gone I go there even more now. I’m losing it,” said Gwen.

“No you’re not losing it. You are just grieving in the only way you know how,” I said to her still holding her tight.

“Maybe,” she whispered.

“Come on let’s go for a walk clear our heads,” I said to her.

“Ok,” she said as we pulled apart and I took her hand leading her out of our chamber. I had no idea how I and Gwen were going to get through this. It’s so hard to deal with it still.

We took a slow walk through the castle which helped me to clear my head a bit. “Gwen I was thinking of bringing magic back to the kingdom,” I said to her gently.

“Is it because Merlin had magic?” she asked.

“Gaius told me that apart from Merlin helping me to become king his goal or aim was to bring magic back to the kingdom. I want to do it for Merlin but I’m afraid too,” I explained to her.

“I know what you mean. Hey, we’ll sit down and really think about it. Even get the knights opinions and see. We probably can do it. Maybe bringing magic back will be the right thing,” smiled Gwen.

“Yeah I hope so,” I smiled at her.

Gaius’s POV

“You didn’t have to come,” said Hunith as I sat down beside her in her hut in Ealdor.

“I wanted too. This must be really hard for you,” I said.

“Well of course it’s hard but you must be going through the same thing. Merlin was like a son to you too,” Hunith managed to say before the tears began to come and she burst out crying. I brought her into a warm embrace.

“It will be ok. I’m so sorry Hunith but it will be ok I’m here,” I said to her patting my hand on her back gently. “Yes, I miss Merlin so much too. When he came to Camelot he put something back into my life, some point but now he is gone it’s hard, really hard. Hunith we have each other though,” I said taking her hand.

“I know Gaius thank you, thank you for giving up Camelot and your home for me and Ealdor,” she said softly.

“I would do it a hundred times for you Hunith,” I smiled at her whipping away her tears adding, “Let’s get some sleep.”

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i can't be sure how many parts are to this yet but its a short story so there won't be too many

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